A Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Now Exists Outside Of My Dreams, As Well

Wednesday, March 7 by
We'll soon know how he bangs. My guess? Like a machine.  

The good news is that we no longer have to imagine what Hulk Hogan looks like when he’s fucking. The bad news is…WAIT! There is no bad news. Hulk Hogan has a sex tape, and everyone wins. End of story.

Unfortunately, after his divorce from Linda, Hulk went on such a bacchanalian voyage of drinking and lady-banging that he doesn’t remember any of his conquests. He claims that he didn’t sleep with any women after finding his current partner Jennifer five years ago. And you know what? I believe him. I really do.

Oh my God. I’m so excited about this that I’m…I’m…

I’m HULKING OUT!!!!!

Hogan didn’t know he was being filmed and hasn’t consented to the release, so we’ve got quite the soap opera brewing here.

A couple predictions: The “lady” is Brutus the Beefcake, and the sex tape is sensationally awesome. (TMZ)

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