9 Things The Weather Channel’s New COO Needs To Fix

Monday, March 5 by

Stop Ignoring Your Homeless Viewers

If life is anything like the medium-budget action films that I watched in the 1980’s, homeless people watching TVs through electronics store windows make up a substantial portion of overall viewers. I feel like these vagrant viewers could stand to get a little more information on how to dress for the upcoming weather. Don’t just give them temperatures, but perhaps a little guidance.

Tank top weather? Would it behoove an urban outdoors-man to put plastic bags over his boots, then secure them with rubber bands or a disgusting old scrunchie?

Keep That Bastard David Kenny In His Place

Recently, TWC announced David Kenny would be stepping in as Chairman and CEO, and the month since he’s taken his post has been an unmitigated reign of terror. Mike Kelly, Kenny’s predecessor, was a benevolent leader who would never use underhanded tactics to draw bigger ratings. However, I have it on good authority that David Kenny has been working on a weather-altering device that would create a weekly rotation of tornadoes in every major US city, just so the network can get higher ratings. That’s immoral.

David Kenny has to be reigned in, and Chris Walters, you’re the man to step up. Earn his trust. Then betray him for the good of the nation.

Also, I’m beginning to think The Weather Channel will only hire you if you have two first names.

Do Something With YouTube

I haven’ really fleshed this idea out, but YouTube is hot right now. Just the other day, we gathered around our receptionist’s desk and watched a video of a panda sneezing. Over 4,000 people had already seen that video.

Harness that technology somehow, Chris Walters.

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