9 Things The Weather Channel’s New COO Needs To Fix

Monday, March 5 by
A man with a head that big has to have some good ideas. 

Last week, The Weather Channel announced that Chris Walters will be stepping in as the network’s COO. Needless to say, this is a very exciting time for everyone who loves The Weather Channel. Chris Walters is a handsome, young go-getter who is the perfect choice to shake up the stale and broken network.

In the past few years, TWC has lost its way, succumbing to sensationalism and greed in a manner that would make Rush Limbaugh and Pablo Escobar blush. Walters NEEDS to help the network find its way again, and I’ve proposed nine tactics that should right the ship in a matter of minutes.

Change The Music During Local Forecasts

I get that the Weather Channel’s goal is not to offend, but the music they play during those things is so bland that it’s actually offensive. Rather than play mindless elevator ditties, may I suggest something like Skrillex, especially early in the morning, when I need an eye opener?

Also, I’m pretty much in love with the new Fucked Up album David Comes To Life, so maybe you could include a few of those deep cuts on there? That’d be sweet.

Stop Over-Representing Tornadoes On Your Channel

I feel like The Weather Channel gives way too much exposure to tornadoes, leading viewers to believe that there are more tornadoes than there actually are. I don’t have any data to prove this, but my hunch is normally right about things like this, so if Chris Walters wants to restore the reputation of The Weather Channel, he should probably dial back on the tornadoes and allocate more of that coverage to things like wind advisories and rainbows.

Get On The Reality TV Bandwagon

I don’t know how to shoehorn a reality competition or program into TWC’s lineup, but I’m sure there’s a way. Maybe they could do something like The Real Lighthouse Attendants of Portland (Maine) or West Coast Thermometer Builders that focuses on a ragtag group of glass blowers and mercury handlers who build artisanal thermometers for celebrities and heads of state.

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