9 Excuses We’re About to Hear from Charlie Sheen’s Publicist

Thursday, January 27 by

Charlie Sheen publicist says he's having stomach problems

As you probably already know, Charlie Sheen’s publicist, Stan Rosenfield, has confirmed that the actor is in the hospital with severe abdominal pains. TMZ is reporting that Sheen landed there after partaking in a 36-hour cocaine binge. Something tells me that said publicist will probably have a different story to tell. Here are nine excuses we’re probably about to hear.

He ate too much of John Cryer’s delicious homemade strawberry jam.

He’s grieving over the loss of his favorite bowling shirt.

He suffered a 3rd degree Indian burn while roughhousing with his brother Emilio.

He went in the pool less than 15 minutes after eating out…

He’s busy researching a role for an upcoming biopic of Chris Penn.

He got sucker punched after making one-too-many Shamu jokes to the kid from “Two and a Half Men.”

The briefcase delivered to Mr. Sheen’s house contained bricks of anthrax, not cocaine. Big misunderstanding.

He’s rich and famous beyond his wildest dreams, and he still isn’t happy, so he’s trying to fill the void with drugs and sex. Duh!

It’s complicated.


Special thanks to Penn Collins.

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COMMENTS

  1. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    ChetDog

    Shouldn’t someone capable of putting together at least a somewhat funny joke have written this?


  2. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    Goofy10

    I know right? These jokes suuuuuuucked.


  3. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    Penn Collins

    An uproarious list! Keep the yuks coming, Screen Junkies!


  4. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    JakeW

    He’s out now and the pain wasn’t necessarily due to the drugs. Still checking all the tests.


  5. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    Anonymous

    LOL, almost predictable isnt it? Too funny!

    http://www.privacy-tools.au.tc


  6. January 27, 2011 3:51 pm

    GUEST

    this is a horrible article. dont try to write funny articles if you arent funny.