8 Best TV Show Beers

Tuesday, March 9 by

Beer and TV go together like hookers and blow. And since both of those are illegal AND expensive, why don’t you just crack open a cold one and stroll through 8 of TV’s best screen-licking brews.

PAWTUCKET PATRIOT ALE

From The Family Guy. Keep that huge gut and testicular chin. You deserve it. Appearance: smug smile, half-mast eyelids. Palate: Obnoxious, flat, and hard to find – just like Rhode Island. Overall: 6

DUFF BEER

From The Simpsons. The Seven Duffs of Duff Gardens: Tipsy, Queasy, Surly, Sleazy, Edgy, Dizzy, and Remorseful. Appearance: wrap-around suglasses, rhythmically gyrating pelvis. Palate: loud, great with fish and arena football. Overall: 7

BUZZ BEER

From The Drew Carey Show. A concoction of coffee and beer that Drew and the gang invented. The beer was brewed and packaged out of Drew’s garage in Cleveland. Appearance: Cleveland. Garage. Drew Carey. Palate: This is something I do not want near my lips. Overall: 2

COLDCOCK MALT LIQUOR

From SNL. Tim Meadows in his smoothest role since, er, before The Ladies Man. Appearance: Piano player, golden bicep Palate: Sore jaw, memory loss, possible concussion Overall: 9 (SNL seasons)

SCHMITTS GAY

From SNL. This skit single handedly made McCain’s chief strategist Steve Schmidt’s life a bit rougher. Appearance: Sparkling pool, sunshine, speedo. Palate: New experience, faint traces of smuggled grapes. Overall: 5 (But not in a bad way)

WILLER BEER

From Kentucky Fried Movie (technically it’s not a TV show, but it’s the type of movie they play on TV.) Hare Krishna? More like “Beer Me! Krishna.” Appearance: flowing robe, no-fuss hairstyle Palate: No intoxicants, no illicit sex. Overall: 1

ALAMO BEER

From King Of The Hill. Hank Hill’s brand is pretty bland. It’s an homage to Lonestar, the "National Beer Of Texas." Appearance: nondescript, plain, chubby. Palate: warm, familiar, repetitive, dull. Overall: 4 (Guys in an alley)

EDGE

From Beavis and Butthead. These two only binge on only the finest. Appearance: lightbulb shaped skulls, misleading packaging. Palate: uncontrollable laughter, tingles the braces. Overall: 2

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