8 Actors Who Could Play Patrick Bateman In The ‘American Psycho’ Remake

Wednesday, December 21 by

Jon Hamm

Don Draper is the smoothest guy around. He’s also a total sociopath with a flair for self pity. Not that we want to see Hamm typecast… OK, so we totally want Hamm typecast. Whatever, he’s really good at playing a nutjob with way more power and money than he ought to have. It would be interesting to see him transition from the easy-going masculine fashion plate Don Draper to the psychotic, label-obsessed Patrick Bateman. He won’t really have to change much about his appearance, either, which is a plus, as it will cut the studio’s losses on this impending bomb.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leo was originally in consideration for the part, but allegedly, Gloria Steinem talked him out of it. Kind of funny, considering that she’s Christian Bale’s stepmother. Christmas dinner must have been awkward that year, and we’re not just talking about Bale’s unintelligible Welsh accent. Leo can probably pull it off better now than he could have back in the day. Dude also rocks a suit like nobody’s business, which is a requirement for the role. Also, his hair is thick and lustrous, which makes him ideal.

By the way, we totally keep a poster of him in the office and draw little hearts around his face on lunch break.

Robert Pattinson

He’s already played a creepy dude in The Twilight Saga. It wouldn’t be much of a stretch to go from being a stylish vampire to being a stylish Wall Street guy. Both of them suck blood and serve no evolutionary function. He’s also going to be in Cosmopolis, based on the Don Delillo book. This should prove that he can act in adaptations of pretty awesome books, so we’re curious to see how he’ll fare in an adaptation of a book that is basically “SEX MURDER JEAN-PAUL GAULTIER FENDI HANDBAG CANNIBALISM SEX SEX SEX HAIRCUTS BUSINESS CARDS MURDER MURDER SEX CANNIBALISM SEX SEX MURDER” for what seems like 10,000 pages.