6 Reasons We Should All Be Glad the Olympics Are Over

Monday, August 25 by

With last night’s closing ceremonies, the 2008 Beijing Olympics closed out one of the highest rated TV events in the history of the idiot box. We’re all guilty of watching at least some of it, but now it’s time to get back to business as usual. That business, of course, is not giving a crap about anything even remotely Olympics related.

The events are over, but the Myspace photos remain:


There’s nothing hotter than a tiny girl bound up like a mummy and painted up like her make-up was shot onto her face out of a shotgun. Except, of course, seeing all of the female athletes scandalous Myspace pictures, some of which are posted gratuitously below.

We can all stop pretending to care about swimming…and volleyball….and running


Following normal sports is fine. Even following sports you participate in isn’t that crazy. It’s cool to see people do something you try to do at an extremely high level. But I think we’ve all had enough very fat people, who only spend time in a pool when there’s a swim-up bar involved, pretending like they’ve been following swimming for years. Maybe if floating like a cruise ship with a bowl of snacks on your belly makes it in for London 2012 I can take it more seriously.

China can go back to running its evil empire in peace:


Look, they’ve been killing people and ruining the environment for hundreds of years and no one has said anything. But they set up some Badminton matches and all of a sudden everyone is sad about it. China shut down factories and tried to let people protest without killing them…it just didn’t feel right.

We can start forgetting who Michael Phelps is:


I am going to make a post six months from right now about Michael Phelps, at which point you will say, "Who? Oh, right. That Olympics guy. God, this site needs to just post more hot chicks." It’ll also remind you how you spent a bunch of money on a pool membership so you could get in shape and make you country proud, too. But then, you forgot all about it and gained 37-pounds between Labor Day and Christmas.

There will be no more pointless arguing about who the hottest Athlete is or what the dumbest sport is:


If you read anything on the internet, you definitely saw idiots arguing about these exact topics. Who cares who the hottest one is, just post pictures of the cute ones. Who cares if the sports are stupid, just don’t watch them. Unless someone is strapping you to a chair and forcing you to watch table tennis (call it ping pong and they cut your throat), you really have no excuse to complain about it.

TV will finally get better:


After, of course, this national convention stuff is done and over with. We’re a mere one week away from good TV starting up again. So dig into the DVD collection and find enough stuff to keep your brain away from thinking for another week and you’re in the promise land. We won’t have to worry about this whole Olympic mess again for another two years. And even then, it’s just the winter games. Where’s the potential for hot asses in that?

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