10 Tips For Your ‘Lost’ Finale Party

Friday, May 21 by

Excitement is at a fever pitch for this Sunday’s series finale of "Lost." Die-hard fans are planning viewing parties for the big send-off and we’re here with some helpful tips and hints for the big event. Follow our instructions to a ‘T’ and your party will be talked about for years to come.

#1. COSTUME IS KEY

Like any party, you really should dress to the nines. Anybody can slip on one of Sayid’s tanktops or Horace’s jumpsuit. There’s really only one way to stand out: scarification. This can be achieved with a regular household box-cutter and an ordinary wooden spoon clenched between your teeth. Yes, there will be lasting effects… the lasting effect of everyone talking about how awesome you are.

#2. DECORATIONS

Next, you’ll need to dress your space to create the look of Craphole Island. It’s of vital importance that you spend way too much time and money on this venture. I mean, c’mon, think of how Losties obsessively pour over every on-camera prop in search of hidden meaning. There’ll have a field day with you if you don’t replace your couch with Row 18 Section C, D, E.

#3. CUISINE

You can only eat orange slices and ranch composite. If a guest complains because there’s no boar, tell them to get it their damn selves and send them off into the dark with a hunting knife. And then call the cops on them. Smart-ass boar-wanting know-it-alls.

#4. ASSIGN EACH GUEST A NICKNAME

"Lost" wouldn’t be an iota as enjoyable as it is without Sawyer and his snarky nicknames. Your guests will no doubt enjoy this too. Take the extra time to identify each guest’s deepest insecurity and then attack that. Trust me, Hairy Arm Lady might be enraged at first, but she’ll appreciate your attention to detail in the end.

#5. SMOKE MACHINE

Your party is going to suck if you don’t fill the room with a plume of black smoke. That’s why I recommend picking up one of these sweet babies. If funds are low, you can also set flame to an old tire for a similar effect.

#6. NO SHOWERS ALLOWED

Your guests are not allowed to shower during the party no matter how they may insist. Party-goers may only shower if they meet the following criteria: female and a stunning beauty. This must only be done as a shameless ploy to get more people to attend your party. Feel free to mention it on your eVite.

#7. TAKE A SHOT EVERY 108 MINUTES

It won’t get you very drunk, but you don’t want to find out what happens if you don’t do it.

#8. ALL BLACKS AND KOREANS MUST LEAVE PARTY BEFORE CONCLUSION

Island’s rules, not ours.

#9. PUNCH ANYONE WHO SAYS ‘NAMASTE’

Somebody gets punched or shot in every episode of "Lost." And namaste is kind of an annoying word. Two birds, one stone.

#10. PARTY "FAVORS"

Now that you’re in costume, the snacks have been served, the room is filled with thick smoke, the hot chick has showered, and most of the minorities have been weeded out, you’re ready to crack open your heroin-filled statuettes and really start to party. Kick back! You’ve earned it.

 

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