We Cast ‘Game Of Thrones’ With Professional Athletes

Tuesday, December 6 by

Robert Baratheon = Donald Gibb

sports stars game of thrones

Who could possibly be a real-life representation of the garrulous, powerful, wine-swilling King Robert? Simply put, no one. The closest thing I could come up with was the monstrous Ray Jackson from the Van-Damme classic Bloodsport. Fans of the Revenge of the Nerds series and close fiends know him as Ogre.

What do these lumberjacks have in common? Big mouths, wooden legs, and a thirst for chaos. The Kumite in Bloodsport was a foreshadowing of the UFC, all-out brawl-style, but with a more diverse array of ethnicly-attributed fighting styles. Just the same, Robert was a lover of the melee at the Hand’s tournament and presumably countless others. Robert slugs back his wine and mead, while as far as I can see, Ogre likes a good, ol’ fashioned Bud or Busch can.

To Gibb’s credit, he did play basketball and football in college, with an offer from the San Diego Chargers, but he turned all that down to become the legendary Ray Jackson instead. Still, it takes his true-life persona and his timeless Bloodsport character – cracking faces open with his mighty fist and all – to fashion one fantastically drunk king.

Mark Sanchez = Jon Snow

sports stars game of thrones

The bastard son of Ned Stark is a ringer for the rising star Mark Sanchez in multiple ways. Both have frequently performed above expectations and both are constantly criticized, downplaying their talents. There’s a prevalent “good guy” image associated with these two yutes.

Both have those dark features and raven locks that drive the chickies wild. Unfortunately, what stops most of us from liking these gents too much is their striking good looks and being talented at everything. Nary is there a crappy celeb gossip site these days that doesn’t have a shrine to Mark Sanchez or Kit Harrington.

I mean, how bad can pretty boys Mark and Jon really have it?

Well, I suppose Jon doesn’t exactly have the charmed life, seeing as his dad was beheaded, his step-mother despises his face, and he must live a cold, lonely life of celibacy on the wall. As for Mark, he hasn’t come up big when it’s really counted yet, so elite NFL glory eludes him.
Being the quarterback of Martin’s favorite team in the AFC East definitely doesn’t hurt your chances of being a major character in his books either. I haven’t quite figured out who former Jets star quarterback Joe Namath is, but I suspect Hodor.

Shae = Janet Lee

sports stars game of thrones

The Game of Thrones may seem to exclusively be a man’s game at first blush, but Martin is no dullard horseboy, and he lets us know women play the game equally well, if not better. Shae plays the game with her wit and her sexuality, slowly and surely working her way into the clever heart of Tyrion. Doubtless she has greater aspirations than spending her life serving the appetites of any salty lowborn that straggles into King’s Landing.

Similarly, undisputed #1 pro pool mistress Janet Lee plays her game with excessive craftiness, sexiness, and a little bit of guile. She lives in both worlds at once, admired for her skills on the billiards table and her jaw-dropping physique. Known among kingdoms and as the Black Widow, Lee is also an accomplished trick-shot champion. Apparently, her goal is to emasculate the few men that give her challenge on the green, while simultaneously tantalizing them with her luscious goods. It sounds like a living hell for a dude, but have you ever seen any of these guys that make it to pool championship finals? It’s pretty much schlub city.

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