We Cast ‘Game Of Thrones’ With Professional Athletes

Tuesday, December 6 by
Both are on injured reserve. 

Most everyone knows that Game of Thrones is a world squeezed out of the noggin of author George RR Martin. But what few know is that his idea of this world is modeled after a sports legend-saturated utopia. If he could’ve rewritten Greek mythology by replacing the gods with the line-up from the 1969 Mets or the early 90s Bulls, he would’ve. So what if his books were written before most of these guys came into prominence, or before some could even walk? If you didn’t catch the uncanny, sometimes blatant nods to these modern-day gladiators and their leaders, here’s the roster run-down. When you’re done being impressed with our prescient comparisons, check out more sports action at Buzzer Beat.

Bill Belichick = Tywin Lannister

game of thrones sports stars

A dubious character for sure, the most fitting example of a doppelganger for Daddy Lannister may be New England’s own BB. From Spygate to making the Patriots football royalty again, the jury is always out on who, or what, Belichick really is. Is he often victorious and successful? Yes. Does he have one hell of an offensive tactical playbook? For sure. Is he the only NFL coach with 3 Superbowl championships under his belt? As far as I know.
Is he a good guy? Well….. that depends on what you mean by good. And this is coming from a life-time New England fan. Imagine what they say about him on the Iron Islands.

One thing I can tell you about TL and BB is that neither are particularly fond of losing.

Since Martin is a staunch NY Jets fan, it only makes sense that the patriarch of the seemingly most villainous family in the first GoT book just happens to be the rival team’s coach. Plus, they both have those icy greenish-blue eyes that tell everyone to eat shit and die.

Pete Rose = Jorah Mormont

sports stars game of thrones

Once a knight, always a knight, or so it goes. These two may be disgraced in the eyes of the high courts, but public opinion has had more to say about weighing the deeds of these deft swordsmen. Ser Jorah was cast from his home amongst his family on Bear Island and Rose out of the grand annals of the MLB, both for crimes that they did commit and that incited knee-jerk moral disapproval.

Big deal – so Jorah sold some poachers into slavery and Petey bet on his sport and against his own organization. These guys just needed some quick cash. For Rose, it didn’t even cure all his money problems, as he was bagged for tax evasion later on.

I suppose neither of them ended up being beheaded for their crimes. However, they did suffer ejection from their homelands – Jorah into the land of the Dothraki and the Free Cities, and Pete Rose into the badlands of Ohio.

What will be their definitive verdicts? Currently, Rose is being stone-walled about Hall of Fame eligibility and Mormont is left to chasing the dragon tail (unless you’ve read ahead and know more). It’s my assumption that there are ‘honorable’ men with worse hidden track records than these two. C’mon, it isn’t like Mormont ran some illegal direwolf fighting racket or anything.

Andre Agassi and Gold Dust = Lord Varys

game of thrones sports starts

All three are masters of whispers, known to talk junk left and right. More importantly, all three wear “the bare crown.” Gold Dust is probably the least comparable in both respects, as it’s in his contract to antagonize and to have a dome fit for a stunning wig. He draws more comparison to Varys in his love of fine garments from the east, while Agassi is primarily known to wear runway jaw-droppers designed in Nike’s finest third-world perspiration castles.

Another likeness of Varys and Agassi, unshared by GD, is their prominent bellies. In his mid-to-late 20’s, Agassi’s most formidable opponent appeared to be his own abdominal girth. For Varys, the gut makes it so he must pay for his young suitors.

Seen as both callous and craven, brilliant but respectfully bankrupt, one can pick and choose the virtues of these damn suave fellas. With Agassi as a gold-slam tennis champ, Varys a high council dignitary at King’s Landing, and Gold Dust holding multiple wrestling titles including the Intercontinental Championship, there’s no shortage of credentials or talent.

…and yes, I consider wrestling a sport.

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