If you’re a cake enthusiast like I am, you probably noticed that the last few years have given us an embarrassment of riches as far as cake-related programs go. There are far more shows than we “need” about cake, but not nearly as many as I want. Every Friday I send individual letters to most major networks urging them to give the people what they want: more excellent cake-related programming.

The only two channels that I feel are pulling their weight are the Food Network and TLC. Did you know that HBO and AMC, for all of their acclaim, have zero cakes shows…COMBINED? I mean, AMC has a show about making drugs, but it really isn’t very good. Everyone’s so unhappy and there isn’t any talk of fondant.

Well, I’m trying to put on a happy face and look at the half-full glass. So I thought I would run through and give you guys a quick rundown of my favorite cake shows on the air.

Ultimate Cake-Off – TLC

This show is the ULTIMATE cake-off, so you know you’re seeing the best of the best compete for the highest stakes. That means that after this contest is decided, there are literally no more cake-offs. Except for the fact that they run it week-after-week, which means that they’re not really “ultimate,” but rather just a series of cake-offs.

As you can see from the video, this show features contestants such as Bob who bake cakes to see who has the best cake, then they take “off” with some money. Get it? “Cake” “off.” “Cake-off!”

This show is completely different than Cupcake Wars because these cakes aren’t cup-sized.

Cake Boss – TLC

Do you ever find yourself eating a large piece of cake and wondering, “Who was in charge of the production of this delicious cake?” Well, my friend, that would be a cake boss!

This program follows Buddy Valastro and the rest of his family as they bake cakes at Carlo’s Bakery in Hoboken, New Jersey, the unofficial home of cake! Cake Boss is a very popular show, with season one averaging 2.3 million viewers. Consequently, Carlo’s bakery has become something of a tourist attraction in Hoboken, and has actually caused a spike in tourism to the Hoboken area, which speaks to how great Carlo’s is and how shitty Hoboken is!

Earlier this year, TLC created a Cake Boss spinoff called Kitchen Boss, which features Buddy sharing other, non-cake recipes. I don’t care for Kitchen Boss.

Cupcake Wars – Food Network

Cupcake Wars is a baking competition on the Food Network that puts four contestants against each other, eliminating a contestant per round until there is only one, just like the Highlander. The winner receives $10,000.

I used to like the premise of this show, but I’m not thrilled with the cash prize. I would enjoy the programming more if I know the contestants were competing solely for the pride of being a good cupcake maker. The money changes everything. Also, cupcakes are a little small for my tastes.

The challenges present on this show are sometimes fun, but aren’t always appetizing. Sometimes they use very unorthodox ingredients, which upsets me a little, but I remind myself that these people need to get out of their comfort zone. Even though I would be perfectly happy just watching the show to see who could make the best yellow, frosting-less cupcake week after week.

Ace of Cakes – Food Network

This show was among the first cake shows on television, and you can tell. The people on this show seemed pretty unprofessional. Duff was always wearing a baseball hat (He should wear a toque!), and there was one gentleman named Geoff who appeared to frequently be high on marijuana.

However, I have to give the Charm City Cakes crew credit for laying the groundwork for the new “cake era” of television. It’s really an amazing phenomenon these guys have helped create.

Fun fact: Ace of Cakes was originally a public acess cooking show called F#ck You Let’s Bake.

I like Ace of Cakes more.

Amazing Wedding Cakes – WE

The name says it all. These wedding cakes are AMAZING. You think that you would get sick of watching boring people make wedding cakes, week after week, but you totally don’t. I was first introduced to both fondant and marzipan on this show, so it will always occupy a spot in my heart.

The show profiles four bake shops as the proprietors meet with clients to arrange the wedding cake of their dreams. Too often, though, the show focuses on the people getting married. I don’t care for them. I would rather they spend more time on the cakes. Instead of spending so much time talking to the bride and her mother, they could put flowers on the cake or maybe put on another tier. I don’t get it.

DC Cupcakes – TLC

What better setting for another show about cupcakes than our nation’s capital. Sure, Ace of Cakes took place in Baltimore, but that’s forty miles away and can take hours in traffic. Also, the cakes on Ace of Cakes were regular-sized, while the cakes on DC cupcakes are more cup-sized. There was certainly room for both shows on the cake-show landscape, but Ace of Cakes no longer airs, so this is our only look at cake production in the D.C.-Maryland-Virginia area. Needless to say, that puts a lot of pressure on DC Cupcakes to perform.

And perform it does!

However, the people on this show are not very likeable, but they make the most amazing cupcakes! (I’m guessing. I don’t care for sweets.) They are easily one of my top-five TV cake-making teams. Easily.

Last Cake Standing – Food Network

It sounds like this would be a show about mechanized cakes battling each other in some sort of post-apocalyptic warzone, but it’s not. It’s like Top Chef, but with cakes. Again, I’m not thrilled that the $100,000 prize takes away from the purity of the competition, but I like that I get to know the contestants. Over the course of the first season, I grew to hate all of them by the second episode, but I appreciate being given the chance to know them.

You know what? It’s not their fault. I’m sure they’re great people. I just think I’m getting a little sick of watching people produce and talk about cakes.

I think I’d rather watch some television shows that are set in the 60’s or something.

Well, you sure must like cake if you've made it this far. Help me have my cake and eat it too by clicking on the images below and reading another awesome article.

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