Smell Ya Later, ‘X Factor’!: 6 New Careers For Paula Abdul

Co-Host with Adam Richman on Man and Paula Abdul vs. Food

We’ve seen Paula critique and praise aspiring singers for over a decade now. We’re over it. I think what America would like to see is Paula Abdul eating 15 dozen oysters.

She would be the yin to Richman’s yang, a diminutive girl that America would really like to throw their weight behind as she tackled an 18-inch-thick pastrami sandwich somewhere in Columbus, Ohio.

Also, watching her break down and cry when she failed a challenge would be fun.

Also, also, I think watching her get really fat would be enjoyable. She’s the type of girl that would gain 15 pounds after her first challenge. Let’s go on this journey with her!

Bumfights on Spike TV with Paula Abdul

Everyone loves Bumfights, right? It’s been out of the cultural lexicon for a couple years, but that just means it’s primed for a return. Sure, lots of people object to Bumfights on the grounds that it’s horribly exploitative and treats the less fortunate as subhuman, but couldn’t the same things be said of American Idol and The X Factor?

The truth is that Paula’s presence made both those show much more palatable, and I’m sure that she would do the same for Bumfights.