Smell Ya Later, ‘X Factor’!: 6 New Careers For Paula Abdul

Tuesday, January 31 by
Simon Cowell held her nose like this for forty-five minutes. It looks like she's starting to pass out.  

Contestants on The X Factor aren’t the only ones subject to star/producer Simon Cowell’s tight-shirted, nipple-y wrath. Yesterday, he cleaned house in regards to on-air talent, giving Nicole Scherzinger, Steve Jones, and Paula Abdul the axe, leaving only himself and L.A. Reid on the show right now.

X Factor performed decently, but fell short of expectations after X Factor had killed it over in the U.K. Consequently, Cowell appears to be taking a new approach. The dismissal of Scherzinger and Jones came as no surprise since their performances were widely panned, but longtime co-worker Paula Abdul’s dismissal came as a shock to those close to the show.

So, what’s next for Paula? She has a particularly unique skill set that doesn’t lend itself to careers at H&R Block or alpaca-raising. Where does she go from here?

We’ve got some suggestions.

Return as a Cheerleader to the L.A. Lakers

After an unceremonious dismissal in the second round of the playoffs last year, along with some offseason drama, the Lakers are struggling to find a foothold this season. As many know, Abdul was a Laker girl in the 1980’s during the team’s Showtime era, so a return seems like a good fit for her at this stage in her career. While Abdul can’t make the Lakers play any better, she probably could get more people in the seats as the NBA’s only fifty year-old midget cheerleader.

They could also have her join on another capacity, maybe judging the Lakers and their opponents on finesse, moves, singing ability, etc. I would be tempted to watch that.

Reuniting with MC Skat Cat

“Opposites Attract” was Paula Abdul’s greatest song, with “Straight Up” and “Rush, Rush” coming in a distant second and third. This isn’t really up for discussion.

So, it seems logical that a reunion with her “Opposites Attract” co-star, cartoon cat MC Skat Cat would be a smart move. The nice thing is that kids still love cartoons, and that since MC Skat Cat is animated, time hasn’t ravaged his once-youthful looks the way it has Paula’s.

Further, it was more-than-suggested in both the “Opposites Attract” song and video that she was carrying on a romantic and sexual relationship with MC Skat Cat. Take a look:

Where are they now? Given his penchant for cigarettes, perhaps he had a tracheotomy. Does he still steal the covers? Do they have any half-cartoon cat/half-Paula Abdul children? America would like to see them if they do.

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