Sometimes we think they should just rename Law and Order: SVU to Semen in the Chest Cavity. It’s pretty amazing that a creepy show revolving around dead, raped girls wrapped in plastic has lasted this long. With the 13th season of SVU underway, we’ve been thinking about some of our favorite deliciously creepy episodes. You might want to turn on a night light before reading this one, kids… or buy some mace.
As if Alexander Gould weren’t creepy enough as the budding sociopath Shane Botwin on Weeds, he really outdid himself in his SVU bid. When a kid shows up to school bleeding out the ass, Olivia and Stabler are naturally called in, suspecting yet another religious leader with a penchant for little boys. Nope. What they’ve got is a porn-addicted young boy who’s seen a few too many episodes of Oz. “Sometimes they pretend they don’t like it. It’s just part of the sex.”
Martin Short plays Sebastian Ballentine a creepactular psychic with shockingly accurate details of a kidnapping-murder, the skeptical Stabler unsurprisingly suspects he’s no clairvoyant. As this is SVU, you know from the outset the answer won’t be simple and it’s not. They soon catch the trail of one Henry Palavar. Things take a turn for the downright scary when the pair learn that Henry Palavar and Sebastian Ballentine are one and the same.
The video game obsessed are always a little creepy. In this episode of SVU, a man addicted with a medieval video game is the prime suspect after a little girl’s body is found at a construction site. The real culprit is far scarier than any mouth breather you might encounter on World of Warcraft, however. Grandma beat the poor kid to death for wetting the bed. We were pretty glad when she died of a heart attack in prison at the end.