Michaele Salahi And 7 Other Reality Stars We Wish Would Get Kidnapped

Thursday, September 15 by

4. Bethenny Frenkel – Real Housewives of NYC, Bethenny Getting Married Bethenny Ever After

First off, I don’t think Bethenny Frenkel is one of the worst people on reality TV. But she is far and away the most over-exposed. Considering that her exposure resulted in her “Skinnygirl” brand selling this year for $120 million, you could say we’re a little miffed. Who cares if we’re jealous?

We just want her to go away for a while so we can sort some stuff out. If you need us, we’ll be staying at our sisters. And if you need Bethenny, she’ll be chained to the radiator in our basement.

3. Speidi – The Hills, Princes of Malibu, I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!, My Personal Nightmares

This is a bit of a gimme. In fact, the only reservation about kidnapping these two sacks of fame-whore goo is that the kidnapper would be forced to spend time with them, and that would be a bit of a tall order. Their incessant bickering, lack of heart, and sense of entitlement would more than likely cause the captor to take the easy way out and turn the
gun on himself.

That said, we haven’t heard much from them lately, so maybe they actually have been kidnapped.

2. Omarosa – The Apprentice

To call Omarosa anything other than a stone-cold bitch would be to dance around the issue. When she came across as such on Donald Trump’s The Apprentice, she offered this completely reasonable explanation:

Historically, blacks have been portrayed negatively on reality television. We don’t come across well. You’ve got to start looking and saying, ‘Is that really how all blacks are?’ Because they are trying to say that this is representative of our people.

She has managed to procure blood from the reality-fame stone by appearing on more than 20 other reality shows. Fortunately, these have largely been off of America’s cultural radar, but better safe than sorry.

Rather than kidnap her, perhaps that could construct a Brokedown Palace-type scenario where she gets caught in southeast Asia with drugs and gets thrown in a Burmese jail or something.

1. Jon Gosselin - Jon and Kate Plus 8

Ed Hardy isn’t going away fast enough. Not that Jon Gosselin seems like a great dude or anything, but the real endgame here is to get Ed Hardy clothing out of the pages of my cherished US Weekly magazine. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find out how celebrities are just like us when I’m being blinded but a bedazzled dragon shirt and bedazzled rhinestone wraparound sunglasses? It’s impossible.

Also, he probably cheated on his wife and dates women that I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on if they were on fire. Adios, Senor Gosselin!

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