Instead Of David Arquette, These 9 Actors Should Sign On For ‘Dancing With The Stars’

Thursday, August 25 by
A little "on the nose," don't you think? 

Today it was announced that David Arquette will be joining the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars, which is “news” only in the most literal sense of the word. Arquette is just one of many mass-marketed celebrities to appear on the show with (presumably) the goal of reinventing themselves for some professional or personal purpose.

That’s crap. The show should only pick stars baed on their unintentional humor quotient. This quotient could be an amalgam of: how strange the person looks, how seriously they take themselves, how logistically difficult it would be for that person to participate in a dance contest, and other factors that would make the show tolerable to watch.

9. Steve Buscemi

We see him dance (well) on Boardwalk Empire, but that context lends itself to taking him seriously. I want to see Mr. Buscemi dressed up in a black leather jacket with greased hair, tossing some girl in a poodle skirt around to “Rock Around The Clock.”

8. Kristen Stewart

Why? Because twitchy people have a difficult time sitting still when they are being lowered for tango dips. Also, the sour look on her face while performing the Charleston would be indicative of the duality of man, or something.

7. Peter Dinklage

Because he’s so short, you see?