Herman Cain has kept the internet plugging along today with his newest campaign video (below). But does he really get to corner the market on ill-advised campaign videos? Of course not. We live in America, where around 80% of our politicians are certifiably crazy, so let’s remember that he's party to just one of many weird campaign videos of the recent past.

Herman Cain – 2012

This spot is just fine until the last eight seconds or so, when the wheels just fall off. The close up of the Chief of Staff smoking a cigarette, the cheesy, cheesy song, and, of course, Herman Cain doing a slow turn towards the camera. You would half expect the White House to be condemned after two months if these guys moved in there.

Mike Gravel – 2008

A good rule of thumb is “don’t go avant garde with your campaign video.” Mike Gravel didn’t obey this rule. Instead, he got some old guy, presumably Gravel himself, to stare at the camera for two minutes, but not in one take for some reason. And the footage appears to be shot with a camera phone. He then throws a rock into a pond, creating ripples, but neglects to hold up the giant sign that says, “symbolism.” I don’t like to discuss my political affiliations, but I want you to know that I did not vote for Mike Gravel.

Carly Fiorina – 2010

This ad is called the “demon sheep” spot, quite fittingly. Just…just watch it, please.

Pamela Gorman – 2010

This video tries to sell this Arizona conservative by just having her shoot a shitload of guns. It works in that I want very badly to sleep with her now, but I fear that shooting a tommy gun doesn’t necessarily make you the best politician. The people of Arizona may have disagreed, because she got elected. Just kidding. She lost to Dan Quayle’s son, which is humiliating.

Dan Fanelli – 2010

The best part about this whole commercial is that it seems to be a horribly circuitous manner for Dan Fanelli to tell the world that he is a “good looking, ripped guy without much hair.” Clearly, the video says otherwise, making Dan Fanelli’s campaign built on a foundation of lies. He also calls his opponent “a bum,” which is a delightful throwback to the days when Florida congressional candidates weren’t strapping bombs to Muslims in their commercials.

Carly Fiorino – 2010

This video runs almost eight minutes, so I can’t ask you to watch the whole thing, as I only made it about a minute in before I decided this was batshit-crazy enough to make the cut. I decided right around the time Barbera Boxer’s head became a blimp and started floating around the countryside.

I wish I could say this was the second and last Fiorino ad to make this list. I really wish I could.

Dwight McKenna – 2010

I’ve never thought about voting for coroner before. After viewing this commercial, I realize that is a very good thing, as this New Orleans coroner election ad scares the crap out of me. Apparently, if I vote for the other guy, Dr. Minyard, he and his evil slave Igor will harvest my organs after I die.

I understand this is germane to the office of coroner, but, out of curiosity, I would like to know where the 2012 presidential candidates stand on harvesting my organs. Maybe we could have a debate about it.

Jon Huntsman – 2012

This teaser commercial was made by the genius that produced the Carly Fiorino “sheep” video, so you know it’s gonna be good. What do we learn in this video?

Well, we learned that dirt biking is awesome, which I kind of knew anyway, I also learned that Jon Hunstman was in a band called wizard, and that he didn’t get famous after six days of being in that band. Or anytime after that.

I like this video because there is absolutely nothing to think about, even a little.

Herman Cain – 2012

We’re book-ending with Herman Cain because he’ taken the torch from Carly Fiorino and run with it in the realm of insane campaign ads. In this campaign announcement video, he’s riding a horse carrying YELLOW FLOWERS while some other dude drops a jaw-droppingly amazing “cock-a-doodle doo, ma’am” to some lady holding a chicken.

Midway through, during Justified’s Nick Searcy’s speech, look at the background where you will see the other actors kicking each other for no real reason.

Lastly, enjoy Herman Cain’s smile during the end bumper. It seems to say, “Oh my God, some of you are going to vote for me, aren’t you?”

So why did the guy carry yellow flowers? It doesn’t matter, America. It doesn’t matter.

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