Here Is Your Season 14 ‘Dancing With The Stars’ Cast, If You Give A Damn

Jaleel White

Jaleel White played Steve Urkel. He was available. The only question is will he dance in character, and, if so, what character? Standard Urkel? Stefan Urquelle? That Urkel robot? You’ll have to tune in to know! And let me know how it shakes out, because I will not be watching this program.

Melissa Gilbert

Melissa Gilbert is sort-of widely known for two gigs. She starred in Little House on the Prairie, and she was the president of SAG. Unfortunately, neither one of those things are very interesting, so let’s hope she can dance like a bastard. She also looks like a Real Housewife, so maybe ABC is keying on that demo as well.

Donald Driver

Driver is fourteen-year veteran of the Green Bay Packers and serves to trick sports fans into thinking that they should be watching this show. Of course, if any sports fans are going to watch a reality competition to support their athlete, it would be Packers fans. To his credit, Driver is extremely active in charity work, so I’m glad they picked this dude and not someone like Sean Avery, who would probably just give all his winning to Chris Brown.