There was a huge record scratch in the Republican party today when Donald Trump announced that he would be endorsing Mitt Romney and NOT Newt Gingrich. One of Trump’s advisers made a surprise announcement last night that Donald Trump would be making a surprise announcement today regarding the presidency that would shock the world. The Gingrich camp was so certain that meant an endorsement of their candidate that they’d already jumped the gun and announced it to news outlets. Our sources are waiting to confirm whether or not this was a segment filmed for MTV‘s Punk’d revival.
But what does Trump’s endorsement mean for Romney? The chance to meet Tia Carrere? Well, judging from his track record, it means jack sh*t. That’s if any of these Trump-endorsed products are any indicator.
Now you can own the smell of success. Just please note that smell also features hints of cigar, hairspray, bronzer, and tarragon.
Who better to sell a line of holistic teas than ancient Chinese person, Donald Trump? Actually, the teas themselves are blended by Talbot Tea’s master blender. But Trump paid for the keepsake tin. That’s something people who aren’t Trump will want to keep forever. Right?
If you can’t beat the heat with state-of-the-art air conditioning in a luxury penthouse with your name written on the outside of it, here’s the next best thing. A bottle of tap water with a toupeed gazillionaire mugging on the hastily pasted-on label. Take that, global warming!