Are you looking for the best Chelsea Handler quotes? Well, duh, everybody is! She is a funny lady with lots to be said. Chelsea Handler is one of the most popular female comedians out there today. With her witty and raunchy lines about headlines, what's not to love? Here are the best of the best Chelsea Handler quotes!

 "I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around." This bad girl isn't always so bad. However, somtimes, everybody needs a drink on a bad date.

 "My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house." My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. Now, this may be low, but the girl wanted to party. Handler is full of madness and craziness.

 "I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order." The outspoken comedian makes no secret that she has had her fun days. This only makes for better jokes at the mic.

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” This can be said for a lot of women out there. Most women are scared to death of a serious relationship to be found out by their crazy family.

“Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.” The lady speaks truth! It's important that men realize this as well. Just because they hit it and quit doesn't mean women don't do the same thing.