Characters We Keep Running Into On ‘SVU’

Thursday, September 22 by

6. The Bartender That Never Forgets A Face

“She was in her around 7:30, and she seemed upset.”

Maybe she was upset because you were trying to gauge all the patrons’ feelings instead of taking her drink order.

5. The Impossibly Effective Tech Guy

You know that the suspect bought cat food at a bodega in Spanish Harlem, then bought a souvenir “Never Forget” t-shirt near Ground Zero? Well, let him just log into Purina’s distribution manifests, then cross reference those with all purchases made between $3-$5 on Saturday afternoon from Citibank’s database, then remotely access ATM camera footage across from the twin towers, and that’s the guy you’re looking for. That fuzzy, genderless blob on the other side of the street.

Wait. He’s not done.

Then let him hit that oh-so-handy “enhance” button to clean the picture up, and you’ll see he’s wearing a sweatshirt from Our Lady of Redemption over on 17th Street. Stabler recognized it because he used to play those guys in basketball.

4. The Beat Cop Who Doesn’t Mind Being Treated Like Shit

On his jacket there should be emblazoned the motto “Adimis tu hic,” or “You take it from here.” The beat cops get bitched around the second Benson, Stabler, Tutuouououola, or Munsch show up. The SVU squad will take it from here. The best the beat cops can do now is canvas the neighborhood or maybe set up a perimeter.

And God help them if they contaminated the crime scene.

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