Traditionally, at least at the Friars’ Club Roasts, the motto has always been “We only roast the ones we love,” meaning that while the jokes could often be harsh, at the end of the day, the roastee knew he was among friends. But since Comedy Central branched off to do their own roasts in 2003, the idea of only roasting a friend seems to have fallen by the wayside. Nowhere is this more apparent than with the latest victim, Donald Trump. Does anyone really believe that most of that crowd had respect for “The Donald?” Even roast regular, Lisa Lampanelli, admitted, “I broke the (roast) rule because the money’s really good.”
So as long as we’re open to roasting anyone, friend or foe, here are nine celebrities that deserve to be roasted.
No matter what you personally think of Leno’s comedy, it’s no secret that he isn’t well respected by many of his fellow comedians. Imagine letting them all loose on him at the same time. Recently, he was semi-roasted at Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Awards, so maybe, he’d be up for it. If so, hopefully the ghosts of Johnny Carson and Bill Hicks will be able to make an appearance.
I like Rogert Ebert, but there’s no getting around the fact that he has made a career off of ripping apart people’s films. Imagine a room full of jilted actors and directors waiting to take their revenge. The fact that Ebert no longer has a lower jaw would certainly add an uncomfortable element. These roasts are known for their harshness, but it would take some pretty big balls to make fun of a man who is missing half his face.
Speaking of Ebert, let’s move on to his former girlfriend, Oprah. Well, girlfriend is a little strong, since they only went on a few dates. But at any rate, when it comes to egos, they don’t get much bigger than Oprah’s. And when it comes to targets, they don’t get much bigger than Oprah. No, that wasn’t a weight joke, although I’m sure there would be plenty of those, not to mention jokes about Stedman, rumored lesbianism, the throngs of stupid housewives who worship her, etc.
George Lucas lives in a bubble. Sure, it has a fancy name (Skywalker Ranch), but it’s a fantasy world in which he is king, and every idea he has is pure gold. As such, he’s blissfully unaware that his last three movies were horseshit. With the money they brought it, I can’t say that I blame him being delusional. Even so, imagine how much fun it would be to get a group of angry fan boys together for a Lucas roast. I’m sure Jake Lloyd and the guy who voiced Jar Jar might want to vent, as well.
Maybe I’m wrong, but Sean Penn often comes across as a self-important asshole. When he was spoofed in the film, Team America: World Police, he wrote an angry letter in response rather than laughing it off or simply ignoring it. That’s why I’d love to see him in a roast. It’s always funnier when the targets take themselves seriously. Besides, it would take some real balls to get up on stage and mock Penn to his face, because there’s a very real possibility he would snap and beat the shit out of you.
In Hollywood, there’s probably no one more hated than Mel Gibson. That alone makes him the perfect target for a roast. Every Jewish comedian in the industry would be lining up to take shots at him, and given what we know about Mel, his rebuttal would probably be pretty colorful (i.e. offensive and insane).
As a producer, Harvey Weinstein has made some big films. He’s also made some big enemies. After all, to paraphrase”The Simpsons,” you don’t become a millionaire by writing a lot of checks. It’s a producers job to screw people out of money, but when you’ve got a commie like Michael Moore taking you to court over millions of dollars, chances are you’re taking it too far. A roast where the entertainment industry was allowed to vent would be highly entertaining.
Richard Simmons has been the butt of jokes for years, especially when appearing on David Letterman. But “The Late Show” looks like an episode of “Veggie Tales” when compared to a Comedy Central roast. Odds are 2:1 that Simmons would end up crying. I’d watch that.
Tom Hanks is widely considered the nicest guy in Hollywood. That’s why it would be so funny to see Jeff Ross and Lisa Lampanelli taking the piss out of him. And it would be just as funny to see Tom Hanks making jokes about Lisa Lampanelli’s giant vagina.