In light of the recent Bert and Ernie non-scandal, in which Sesame Street was compelled to released a statement saying that the two beloved characters were “just friends” and not gay, we at Screen Junkies have decided to address this issue head-on.
Puppets are asexual. All children’s characters are. There is no room in children’s entertainment for sexuality. There’s plenty of time for that stuff later on. Kids shouldn’t be in a hurry to grow up.
If we were to assign sexual orientations to children’s characters, these guys would be totes gay.
If recent history has demonstrated anything, it’s that the homosexual community often leads the charge on many social and political issues, even outside of gay rights. So it should be no surprise that, well before Leonardo DiCaprio was driving a Prius, and Cameron Diaz was saving rainforests, Captain Planet was extolling the virtues of recycling and going green. Of course, it wouldn’t be fair to use this as the sole barometer for one’s sexual orientation, otherwise, we would have to take a long look at Al Gore. That’s right, I planted that seed.
Also, Captain Planet is the textbook definition of what the gay community considers a “twink.” Not a hair on him.
I’m not too hip as to the sex lives of Pokemon characters, but I must say that if one was to be gay, it would be Jigglypuff. Aside from a name that to me just screams “bear,” this guy puts his enemies to sleep by singing to them. That’s a hell of weapon there, Jigglypuff. Also, Jigglypuff is pink and has a very gay little haircut. Let’s not overthink this.
“Gotta catch ‘em all!”
Well, he’s big, purple and ridiculously fun. He has a very gay walk about him and claps way more than me and my straight friends. He’s also 25 million years old and looks FANTASTIC. He’s also got a bit of a lisp. He also appears in a video with countless other children’s TV characters called “We Are Family” which encrouages diversity and tolerance. That sounds like some typical liberal bullshit.
Barney=Liberal. Liberal=Gay. Barney=Gay.
That’s the transitive property. I just mathematically proved that Barney is gay.