So apparently Glee is paying tribute to Michael Jackson. We couldn’t be more excited. You see, we’re big fans of Glee around these parts. We just can’t get enough of that feel-good musical dramedy with all the highs and lows of real life encapsulated into a single hour.

Is the snark being laid on heavy enough here, or are we leaving room for ambiguity? Please let us know so we can get it right next time. Anyway, Glee is doing a tribute to late pop singer and noted child enthusiast Michael Jackson. Here’s our own list of people we hope get the Glee tribute treatment soon.


Slayer pretty much invented music, so we’re a little confused about why Glee has’t paid tribute to the masters of thrash yet. We’re thinking they should do an extra-special, two-hour episode of Glee where the gang sings the entirety of Seasons in the Abyss and South Of Heaven. Maybe they can mix it up and throw in some At The Gates and Cannibal Corpse tunes while they’re at it? We’re just making a suggestion here. We’re not married to the idea.


NWA were, along with Slayer, the driving force behind the invention of modern music. Those of you not old enough to remember won’t recall the days when every song in existence was recorded by Pat Boone fronting the Lawrence Welk Orchestra. NWA changed all that. Fronted by a dwarf from Compton, NWA featured Ice Cube back when he was into jheri curls, the LA Raiders and saying “f*ck the police.” You younger readers now know Ice Cube as the conductor at Shining Time Station and the star of a host of Disney movies. We think the Glee gang can do a great version of “I Ain’t The One” and “She Swallowed It.”

The Ramones

A bunch of little kids can pull it off and make it totally awesome, so the Glee kids probably won’t f*ck it up too much. They should stick to the first four records, natch, but also not be afraid to hit up later classics like “Wart Hog” and “Animal Boy.”


So we read something about how they paid tribute to Star Wars and that got us thinking: Maybe Glee can succeed where so many others have failed and give us a decent adaptation of Dune. Come to think of it, maybe they could dedicate a season to telling the tale of Paul Atraides and his descendants? It certainly couldn’t be any worse than the Sci Fi Channel (it wasn’t even called “SyFy” back then) miniseries. Oh, and for whatever it’s worth: The David Lynch version is awesome. You just need to watch it on mute, smoke a shitload of weed and put on a Hawkwind record while playing some Forgotten Realms campaigns to make it awesome.

Boyd Rice

This would probably just be a lot of humming or something, right? Or maybe they could cover some of his more accessible, later material like “Let’s Hear It For Violence Against Women?” Not really sure what would work best here. Either way, martinis all around!

Tom Waits

To prepare the cast of Glee for a Tom Waits tribute, everyone will need to spend a couple weeks drinking a tincture of hydrochloric acid and sandpaper. Then a couple little people from the local circus can come in and demolish the piano with sledgehammers. Someone will have to raid the local junkyard for broken accordions and we’re betting that the quest for a swordfishtrombone can be a pretty awesome subplot. Maybe they can do some kind of crossover with lots of guest stars from Carnivale?

James Brown

There’s nothing funny about the Godfather of Soul... except maybe for that video on YouTube where he’s on some morning show all coked out. Anyway, James Brown did more for music every time he pinched a loaf than the cast of Glee will do over their entire “careers,” so maybe they should show some reverence to him. Christmas time is a great time for that, because Christmas originally celebrated the humble birth of James Brown in an Augusta, Georgia manger. He was visited by three wise men who came bearing gifts of relaxer, a crushed blue velvet suit and a cape woven from the moustache hairs of Little Richard.

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