7 Cartoons More Harmful To Children Than ‘Spongebob’

Wednesday, September 14 by
Baby Killer. 

A recent study revealed that fast-paced cartoons like Spongebob Squarepants are responsible for melting the brains of preschool-aged children. That’s good to find out now, years after the show has been on the air, A.D.D.-ing an entire generation.

However, all of the blame shouldn’t fall squarely on that cheery little sponge. Cartoons have been warping minds for years by promoting violence, causing seizures, and creating young people naive to the ways of the world. These seven shows in particular are much more harmful to a growing mind than Spongebob.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

When I was a kid, this show was responsible for 98% of the groin-kickings on planet Earth. It was all but impossible to watch an episode with friends and not have the party end with someone keeled over cupping their budding gonads. Also, its essentially one big commercial for pizza which lead to a wave of overweight wannabe ninjas. Case in point, Steven Seagal.

Bambi

This one is on the list because it will wreck your shit. Remember how you felt when Bambi’s mom was murdered? Now imagine if you were a toddler and watching it by yourself. You’d think, “What a lazy deer,” and not learn the consequences of shooting someone. Then you’d be considered one of the dumbest toddlers in prison.

Tom and Jerry

Originally, Tom and Jerry featured some of the most violent imagery on television. And it was awesome. Then as kids began to hurt one another, producers were forced to have the cat and mouse bury the hatchet someplace other than Tom’s skull. That’s how Tom and Jerry and Friends came about.  I argue that the watered-down pussification of the material was actually more damaging. Living amongst rodents? That’s how plagues start.

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