6 Racist, Sexist, And Hilarious Ari Gold Quotes

Monday, January 2 by Steve Silverman

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“Ernesto! How many —-ing pesos did I give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas, for the past decade! Half of Mexico is eating on my chip that I’ve given you. Now bring my motherf—— car now! Por favor!” — Ari would insult the poor and weak as well as the rich and powerful. Ari is asking the valet to bring him his car after he has been fired and Ernesto tells him that he is not allowed to get his car any longer. Ari responds with this retort during his time of need.

“You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vince? Nothing! They don’t give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?” — Sometimes Ari had to play the bad guy and convince Vince he had to turn down certain roles, especially those offered by independent producers because the pay was poor and the perks were non-existent. Ari could be blunt with Vince when it was required.

“Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, everything! into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a goddamn spiked paddle, don’t think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!” — After Ari decided to start his own firm, he told Lloyd to pack all of his things to prepare for the move. Ari didn’t want to leave anything and he wanted it done quickly. The way he tried to get that point across was by mentioning a dish often found in Chinese restaurants, once again underscoring his racial insensitivity.

Mrs. Ari: Where are you going? Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant. Where do you think I’m going? — One of the primary themes throughout the run of the show was that Ari’s wife was unhappy because of how much time he spent working and how little time he spend with her. On one occasion, he delivered this sarcastic one liner because he was tired of her incessant questioning of his comings and goings.

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