Attention all aspiring singers: if your high notes sound like a passenger on a sinking ship, Simon Cowell is not afraid to tell you. Cowell could care less if you laugh or gasp at any of his meanest quotes and there have been plenty over the past decade. As a veteran music industry executive, powerful record producer and television personality on "American Idol" and "The X Factor", Simon Cowell's vast experience has turned talent critiquing into stand-up comedy without even having to stand. That brash, tough love he has become famous for takes center stage in these harsh Simon Cowell remarks.
“You sounded like Cher after she’s been to the dentist.” In true Simon Cowell fashion, what initially begins as a compliment quickly becomes coarse ridiculing. Obviously, no one sounds good when their mouth is at the mercy of dental drilling and some numbing Novocain. This Simon Cowell quote completely skips the more polite "it was not my thing" reaction since something so mild would do nothing to increase his television ratings.
“If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.” This quote from Simon is not exactly a confidence builder for a singer–or a lifeguard. Cowell is not trying to make friends, he is trying to make superstars. Having a strong tolerance for rejection is part of the entertainment business especially when performing for the particular taste of Simon Cowell.
“If you would be singing like this 2,000 years ago, people would have stoned you.” Receiving this mean Cowell quote is probably almost as painful as those stones might have felt 2,000 years ago. Regrettably for the singer, it does not highlight any areas for improvement, besides maybe reconsidering your aspirations.
“My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don’t.” Simon Cowell has just given the clichéd "don't quit your day job" saying a remix. As a music industry professional, Simon has seen enough careers come and g. This critique is Simon's equivalent of handing the performer a college application.
"You look a little odd, your dancing is terrible, the singing was horrendous, and you look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with the massive eyes. What do they call those? Bush babies." After this lengthy verbal degradation, there is not much left to talk about. An entertainer's image and talent are both crucial ingredients to being a successful performing artist. Since "bush babies" are not in demand for world tour, you might want to rethink your life plan after receiving this insight.