5 Great Locations For Top Chef And A Few For Masters And Desserts

Wednesday, November 9 by

And…Three Cities for the bastard Top Chefs (Masters, Desserts, All-Stars)

Ok. We’re going to run out of interesting cities for all the different Top Chef iterations. In fact, I had a difficult time coming up with five. So let’s not cannibalize the best locations for the second-tier variations on the program. Rather, I propose that we give them the worst cities for food.

Why?

I dunno. It will be funny.

Milwaukee

I spent lots of time in Milwaukee and love the city, but the same things that make it really fun in the summer (grilling, sausages, beer…end of list) would probably make it hell on earth for any group of chefs. Further, as much as chefs would have to pare down portion size for Tokyo, constants in the MKE would have to ratchet up, lest they have a riot on their hands during an elimination showdown.

“This is a brat served in a beer foam. A play on the classic “beer and brat.”

“This is a sausage-infused beer. It’s my take on the classic “beer and brat.”

“This is a dish that I call “beer three ways.”

“I decided to mix things up by deconstructing the familiar ‘beer and brat’ combo by putting a mug of beer on that side of the room, then a solitary brat on a ladder in that corner of the room. Also…cheese.”

Albuquerque

Thirty contestants travel to Albuquerque to recreate what they think Breaking Bad’s Los Pollos Hermanos chicken would taste like. Winner gets the license rights to Los Pollos Hermanos from the Breaking Bad producers and $250,000 to start the first actual Los Pollos Hermanos in downtown Albuquerque.

Try to tell me you wouldn’t make that appointment television.

You wouldn’t?

You’re f*cking lying to me right now.

(And yes, Giancarlo Esposito, the actor who played Gus Fring, would be a full-time judge, as would the guys that play Huell and, I dunno, Badger.)

Columbus

Yeah. Columbus, Ohio. Why? I don’t know. Does it really matter where they host some of these things? One interesting thing about Columbus is that from a demographic standpoint, it serves as a microcosm for the entire United States. The ethnic breakdown of Columbusiananders (Columbiners? mirrors that of the United States, so the contestants would essentially be cooking for a cross-section of America. For better or worse.

Challenges in Columbus could be:

“Make me another Hamburger?”

“Find me a wine that tastes better than Diet Coke and I’ll drink it.”

“Tuna Casserole Elimination Challenge”

If Columbus is home to any particularly unique dishes that I’m not aware of, please leave them in the comments. I’m curious.

Do you like this story?