43 Things I Care About More Than The Series Finale Of ‘Chuck’

Friday, January 27 by
Just one of the myriad 'Chuck' moments I won't regret having missed.  

Tonight lies the two-hour series finale of Chuck. It’s a show an retail employee who is a government operative (or something) and has teetered on the verge of cancellation for most of its existence. Teetering no more, after tonight it will be shoved off the ledge of “running TV show” into the abyss of “cancelled TV shows.

With no (or minimal) disrespect, I have seen a lot of articles discussing the importance and sigificance of the Chuck series finale tonight at 8 PM on NBC. They only tell half the story. I would like to cater to non-Chuck fans with these piece by positing that the series finale of Chuck isn’t actually that big of a deal.

Here are but a sample of the things going on in our world that I am more interested in than the last episode of Chuck. Feel free to offer your own in the comments.

1. The state of Oprah’s relationship with Steadman

2. Finding out who cuts Tim Tebow’s hair.

3. That lunar colony the Republicans were talking about yesterday.

4. The return of McRib in the greater LA area.

5. The really tedious “Shit ______ Say Videos,” like “Shit Filipino Structural Engineers Say.”

6. The new Girl Scout cookies. Not the new ones this year, but even newer ones, later in the future.

7. Tyler Perry.

8. The fate of T-Dog on The Walking Dead.

9. Simon Cowell’s sexual preference.

10. If Paris Hilton still has that dog, Tinkerbell.

11. What happened to Zsa Zsa Gabor’s foot after they removed it.

12. When the flower girl that covered her ears during the royal wedding will turn 18.

13. Age of consent in European Union member countries.

14. Whether One Tree Hill is still on the air or not.

15. Zooey Deschanel’s Twitter feed.

16. The anorexic girl sitting across from me at this coffeeshop.

17. Gritty film adaptations of fairy tales.

18. What other weird drugs Demi Moore has done.

19. How many other 49 year-old millionaires do whip-its.

20. Devo.

21. Gourmet cupcakes.

22. Whether or not Trader Joe’s is finding its way to new markets in the next couple years.

23. Kale.

24. That YouTube video that you’ve spent the past three painful minutes describing.

25. Virginia’s law that you can only buy one handgun per month. (It’s bullshit!)

26. How Nicolas Cage’s gothic son is doing.

27. Blue Ivy Carter.

28. The nightlife in Indianapolis.

29. Exactly how close we are, technologically, to making hoverboards a reality.

30. That yoga workshop you went to.

31. The fact that Elian Gonzalez probably is working in an office somewhere, right now.

32. In hindsight, if Lindsay did dress too sexy for her court appearances.

33. Those “Hulk Hogan was gay with Brutus the Beefcake” rumors.

34. Missy Elliot in general.

35. Whether or not Ja Rule literally disappeared off the face of the earth.

36. How Drew Carey is doing a few years into his The Price Is Right gig.

37. The pros (if applicable) and cons of drinking donkey semen.

38. If Leonardo DiCaprio and Steven Spielberg talk about baseball hats when they run into each other socially.

39. This.

40. If I would rather have a nose that glowed when sexually aroused or fart confetti. Or if I would ask for both.

41. Your rationalization for stealing music.

42. Cold weather making my beard dandruff-y.

43. The maximum number of TVs you can install in an Escalade.

This is not an exhaustive list. There are probably thousands of other things I care more about than Chuck.

That said, to each their own, and if you are going to miss Chuck, please take solace that it will probably be replaced with an even better show, because NBC is really starting to hit its stride when it comes to innovative compelling programming.

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