WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 12th 2009

Wednesday, August 12 by

Blindfolds, bickering, shackles, mounds of snow, and serious daddy issues. All things you might find in Pamela Anderson’s bedroom. Your TV preview begins now!

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

 

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI
Network:
Spike TV
Time: 9PM – Midnight

Reasons to watch: Ahh, Return of the Jedi. The final chapter in the Star Wars saga. Go back to a more simple time before George Lucas took your childhood and dunked it in the shitter flushing repeatedly. I’ll take Ewoks over that pod race anyday.

MAN VS. WILD
Network:
Discovery
Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: Bear goes to the Arctic Circle to hunt wild reindeer. Nice try Grylls. We all know that you’re secretly hunting Santa. You keep out of that workshop, you hear me? Those toys are for ALL OF US.

 


CRISS ANGEL: MINDFREAK
Network:
A&E
Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: In the opener for Season 5, the wizard is shackled and buried alive in a transparent coffin beneath ice and snow. I’ve heard of being buried beneath snow. And I’ve heard of being buried beneath ice. But never the two together. Consider my mind freaked!

 

MICHAEL & MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES
Network: Comedy Central
Time: 10:30 – 11PM
 
Reasons to watch: A college booking causes trouble between Showalter and Black. They’re alway fighting, these two. I wish they would hurry up and just bang already.
 
 
TOP CHEF MASTERS
Network: Bravo
Time: 10 – 11PM
 
Reasons to watch: The final four contestants are given the task of cooking while blindfolded. Last time I tried that I wound up finding LEGO pieces in my lasagna and burned my penis pretty badly on the panini press.

WHO’S ON LATE?

LETTERMAN (repeat)
Sacha Baron Cohen, Joel McHale

CONAN
Gordon Ramsay, B.J. Novak

KIMMEL (repeat)
Larry King, Marissa Miller, Chester French

FERGUSON
Eric Bana, Holly Williams

FALLON
Jon Hamm, Hugh Dancy, Kitty Daisy and Lewis