WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: TUESDAY, AUGUST 25th, 2009

Tuesday, August 25 by

NEXT PREV

Sadomasochism, a dead moon, spawn, super smart horses, and Mark Wahlberg. Tonight’s TV Preview contains plot elements from the next Stephen Sommers movie.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!

MAX PAYNE

Network: HBO

Time: 9 – 11PM

Reasons to watch: What better chance to turn off your brain and forget all your worries than by watching Mark Wahlberg mumble his way through a video game adaptation? Apart from being actually brain-dead, I mean.

THE UNIVERSE

Network: History

Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: The program speculates what life on Earth would be like if the moon were to no longer exist. Well for starters, we’d have awesome waves to ride and no more threats from the werewolf community. I vote we do it.

BLUE VELVET

Network: IFC

Time: 8 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: Dennis Hopper steals the show as a sociopath hooked on huffing and dry humping. I’d say this is one of David Lynch‘s craziest films but this kind of behavior is standard in a Lynch movie. Kinda like the way that Spielberg likes trucking shots.

18 KIDS AND COUNTING

Network: TLC

Time: 9 – 9:30PM

Reasons to watch: Could any doctors reading this please explain to me how this man’s balls haven’t fallen off by now?

PRIMETIME

Network: ABC

Time: 10 – 11PM

Reasons to watch: Tonight’s program focuses on inmates who train wild mustangs to work with disabled teens. As cool as a seeing eye mustang would be, you can’t tell me that the prisoners aren’t secretly training those horses to burrow them out beneath the walls.

WHO’S ON LATE

LETTERMAN

Mary Louise Parker; Eugene Levy; Jet

CONAN

Quentin Tarantino; Mark Feuerstein; Smokey Robinson

KIMMEL

Gordon Ramsey; Rob Zombie; Friendly Fires

FERGUSON (repeat)

Eric Idle

FALLON (repeat)

Lauren Graham; Bill Engvall: Jonas Brothers