WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY AUGUST 13th, 2009

Thursday, August 13 by

Death metal, explosives, corny jokes, and injections. Tonight’s TV preview reads like a night in the life of Jackass star Steve-O.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

 

BONES
Network:
FOX
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: That woman Bones and the guy who works with Bones (David Boreanaz) investigate the underground death-metal scene when it is discovered that a band in Norway is using an actual skeleton onstage. Big deal. Amy Winehouse IS a skeleton and she’s onstage all the time. Seriously, you can use her finger to unlock doors.

 

BEING HUMAN
Network:
BBC
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: This supernatural comedy is getting a lot of positive buzz. It tells the story of three roommates sharing an apartment;  a werewolf, a vampire, and a ghost. It looks fantastic but I haven’t had the chance to watch it yet. That’s the downside of stalking wrongdoers as the city’s dark protector. I miss all my shows! Nobody please tell me what happened on Big Brother. I’ve got it DVR’ed.

 

HOUSE
Network:
FOX
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: Go-to creepy actor Zeljko Ivanek holds House and several others hostage with explosives strapped to his chest. He demands diagnosis and treatment and that all medications be tested on the hostages first. Thirteen (played by sexy Olivia Wilde) steps up to the plate and takes all the treatments though they will more than likely kill her. Thirteen is a pretty dumb name but I can forgive it seeing as Olivia Wilde ranks 13 on a 1-to-10 scale of hotness.

 

DANIEL TOSH: COMPLETELY SERIOUS
Network:
Comedy Central
Time: 9 -10PM

Reasons to watch: Laughter. It’s the best medicine. Unless you’re actually sick or lost a limb or something. In that case laughter won’t really do a whole lot for you. Forget I brought it up. That was dumb of me. Anyway, sorry to hear about your arm cancer. :(

 

STEVE-O: DEMISE AND RISE
Network: MTV
Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: This documentary follows professional masochist Steve-O as he ditches his wild, hard-partying, nutsack-stapling ways and tries to sober up enough to not shoot fireworks out of his rectum anymore. His Jackass costars grew so worried for him that they staged at intervention. You know the old saying, when a dwarf who is regularly shot out of a cannon tells you that you’ve got to slow down, you’d better slow down.

 

WHO’S ON LATE

LETTERMAN (repeat)
Paul McCartney, Bruce Willis

CONAN
Robin Williams, Piers Morgan, All Time Low

KIMMEL (repeat)
Anne Heche, Aubrey Plaza

FERGUSON
Jon Cryer

FALLON
Seth Green, Tim Gunn

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