What’s On TV Tonight: Monday, December 21st, 2009

Tonight on TV, dwarves make chocolate, Tom Hanks abducts kids, and Spring Breakers use their vaginas to save their favorite bar.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!

I WANT A DOG FOR CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN
Network: CBS
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: How many f*@%ing Charlie Brown Christmas specials are there? I swear CBS has aired Charlie Brown more often than the CBS Nightly News recently. Bald little kid has a lot to say on the subject of Christmas apparently.
 

42 WAYS TO KILL HITLER
Network: NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC
Time: 8 – 9PM

Reasons to watch: Failed assassination attempts on Adolf Hitler are dramatically recreated. It’s every actor’s dream role. "Yeah, I played Hitler in that thing where they tried to drop an anvil on Hitler."

THE POLAR EXPRESS
Network: Disney
Time: 8 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: Now that your night terrors have finally subsided, reacquaint the horror-receptacle in your brain with the image of a wax-coated Tom Hanks luring a child from his home in the middle of the night.

LITTLE CHOCOLATIERS
Network: TLC
Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: Little people working in a chocolate factory? Too easy. This must be a trap. Resist snarkiness, Johnson. Back away slowly.
 

CO-ED CONFIDENTIAL 3: SPRIN BREAK 12: LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Network: Cinemax
Time: 11:40PM – 12:10AM

Reasons to watch: Was this show named by a broken movie-titling computer? Young women go face-to-face with their arch rival in a sex competition at the Spring Break Olympics in order to save their bar. That’s too many plots and too many titles for a half-hour show, you guys. And shouldn’t the games have begun in an earlier installment?

WHO’S ON LATE

LENO
Jeff Bridges; Adam Lambert

LETTERMAN
Maggie Gyllenhaal; John Witherspoon

CONAN
Christina Applegate; David Gregory; the Silversun Pickups perform

KIMMEL (repeat)
Charles Barkley; Peter Facinelli; Leona Lewis performs

FERGUSON
Quentin Tarantino; Renee Fleming performs

FALLON
Martha Stewart; Jeffrey Ross; Julian Casablancas performs