WHAT’S ON TV TONIGHT: MONDAY, AUGUST 24TH, 2009

Petty crime, murder, woman’s underwear, an unbelievable investigation, and ninjas. Tonight’s TV Preview reads like the final hours of David Carradine.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

PALOOKAVILLE
Network: IFC
Time: 8 – 9:30PM

Reasons to watch: Vincent Gallo leads two knucklehead friends as they plot to rob at armored car in this New Jersey version of Bottle Rocket. That Gallo must be a real charmer to convince his buddies to do something like that. Hell, we all know what he was able to talk Chloë Sevigny into doing.

RIPLEY’S BELIEVE IT OR NOT
Network: BIOGRAPHY
Time: 10 – 11PM

Reasons to watch: One of the oddities featured on the program tonight is a giant ball of brassieres. Wow. I guess there is a flip side to every coin. Geeks have their giant rubberband balls and p***y magnets have these.

END OF DAYS
Network: ION
Time: 9 – 11:30PM

Reasons to watch: The Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in End of Days, a documentary about his first 100 days in office. Kidding. It’s actually an unintentionally-hilarious actioner that pits Arnold against Satan. This is the only film where you’ll see Arnold crucified by demonically-possessed freaks. Except for Kindergarten Cop of course.

THE CLOSER
Network: TNT
Time: 9 – 10PM

Reasons to watch: The team investigates a bizarre murder where the victim was stabbed by someone dressed in a ninja costume. It’s too early in the investigation to be pointing fingers but let’s just say that young Kevin James here is a "person of interest to us."

30 DAYS OF NIGHT
Network: ENC
Time: 9:45 – 11:40PM

Reasons to watch: 30 Days of Night stars perhaps the smartest vampires in film. Their plan is so simple yet so elegant. They merely have to high-jack an ocean freighter and drive it to a small Alaskan town. Then when the month-long eclipse comes they need to cut out all the power. After that it’s just a matter of snacking on a thirty day smorgasbord of townies. Seems like a lot of effort when could just live anonymously in a city and pick off people unnoticed. But, hey, I’m not a vampire. Despite what my stylish cape and Twilight t-shirt might suggest.

WHO’S ON LATE

LETTERMAN
Anna Wintour; Mark Teixeira

CONAN
Bill Maher; Nick Cannon; Kings Of Leon

KIMMEL (repeat)
Sienna Miller; Doug Benson

FERGUSON (repeat)
Marion Cotillard; Michael Musto

FALLON (repeat)
Kevin Connolly; Alexa Chung; Aimee Mann