WHAT’S ON TONIGHT: MONDAY, AUGUST 3rd 2009

The pursuit of a dream, the pursuit of kidnappers, the pursuit of revenge, the pursuit for manhood, and the pursuit for a cure. Tonight’s television preview has got some tired-ass legs.

CHECK OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC!!!

HUSTLE AND FLOW
Network: MTV
Time: 7:30-10PM

Reasons to watch: This is the film that launched Terrence Howard from "That black guy with the really pretty eyes. No. Not the one from CSI." to "Uncastable pothead whose demands get him kicked off the biggest film of the year." but all-in-all it is a pretty good flick. This is a movie for anyone whoever had a dream or two-and-a-half hours to spend watching a pimp transition to rapper.

THE MARINE
Network: FX
Time: 8-10:30PM

Reasons to watch: A gang of bad guys led by Robert Patrick make the mistake of kidnapping hot-as-sin Kelly Carlson (pictured above). Don’t they know that where there’s a hot chick, there’s a douchebag? The douchebag in this case is her highly-decorated Marine husband played by John Cena. If you’re a fan of ridiculous action then this is the movie for you. And by ridiculous, I don’t mean extreme. I mean literally ridiculous. The whole movie is a pubic hair away from being a Looney Tunes short.

HARD TO KILL
Network: ION
Time: 9-11PM

Reasons to watch: Sample dialogue,

Senator Vernon Trent: You can take that to the bank!

Steven Seagal: I’m gonna take YOU to the bank, Senator Trent. To the blood bank.

‘Nuff said.

FAMILY GUY
Network: TBS
Time: 9-9:30PM

Reasons to watch: When Cleveland’s wife is caught in bed with Quagmire, it’s up to Peter and Brian to help him rediscover his manhood. In the process, he goes a little overboard and the mild-mannered Cleveland vows to kill Quagmire. Much like I’ve vowed to kill in the upcoming poetry slam. Get your snappin’ fingers ready.

TWILIGHT ZONE
Network: MY TV
Time: 8:30-9PM

Reasons to watch: The always-entertaining Jeffrey Combs stars as a hypochondriac who may have a disease of extra-terrestrial origin. As if swine flu weren’t scary enough now we need to worry about Space AIDS?

WHO’S ON LATE?

LETTERMAN (repeat)
Daniel Radcliffe, Veronika Part, Leon Helm

CONAN
Ashton Kutcher, Charlyne Yi, Gomez

KIMMEL (repeat)
Larry King, Marissa Miller, Chester French

FERGUSON
Edie Falco, Les Stroud, Lisa Landry

FALLON
Marlon Wayans, Judd Apatow, Incubus