WHAT TO WATCH ON TV TONIGHT: THURSDAY, JULY 9th, 2009

Thursday, July 9 by

Don’t worry, dearest readers. we’ve once again combed through the listings to bring to you the bestest, mostest interestingest television viewing options for the evening. Unless, of course, you’re into Samantha Who? and Grey’s Anatomy. In which case, what the mother-effing eff are you doing here?  Go read Holy Taco… girl.

FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…

NOTE: ALL TIMES EASTERN & PACIFIC!!!


BIG BROTHER 11
Network: CBS
When: 8 PM
 
Why to Watch It: In the eleventh season opener, the twelve houseguests enter the compound for the first time. The theme this season is’high school,’ thus the group is divided into four cliques — the athletes, the populars, the brainiacs, and the off-beats (read: queerbos). Place your bets now on whom you think will be pregnant by the time prom rolls around. Julie Chen hosts.
 
 
 

THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU
Network: IFC
When: 8 PM
 
Why to Watch It: Bill Murray stars as a slacker oceanographer in crisis as he hunts for the shark that killed his best friend. This crazy vengeance quest leads he and his crew through uncharted waters and into the crosshairs of pirates. The kidnap-and-shoot-you-in-the-head kind, not the fun ones with the peg legs, parrots and drunken rape.
 
 
 

"Yes. I felt the malaise of hopelessness at your age, too, but you can’t sleep all day."

JENNIFER THE HIPPO
Network: Animal Planet
When: 8 PM
Why to Watch It: The TRUE tale of a family that lives with a f*cking hippo?!  You can’t get better than that.
 
 
 

A LION CALLED CHRISTIAN
Network:
Animal Planet
When: 9 PM
Why to Watch: The true tale of a family that lives with a f*cking lion?!  Wethinks the hippo doth got served. *cue sound combining din of academic elite laughter with And1 b-ball tourney crowd taunts*
 
 
 
 

PITCHMAN: A TRIBUTE TO BILLY MAYS
Network: Discovery
When: 9 PM
 
Why to Watch It: Discovery Channel bids farewell to the co-star of Pitchmen, Billy Mays. I always cry during specials like this. If only I had some kind of super-absorbent material to dry my tears.  [Editor's Note: sales of products sponsoring the memorial expected to rise 150%.]
 
 
 

CADDYSHACK
Network: AMC
When: 10 PM – Midnight

Why to Watch It: This movie truly is a classic and a no-brainer recommend. If there is any way that you haven’t already seen this then do yourself a favor and plunk yourself down in front of AMC tonight at 10. Actually, if you really want to do yourself a favor you should rent the unedited version. That way you’ll be able to see this film in all its glory.  Happy Gilmore couldn’t exist without this film.
 
 
WHO’S ON LATE:
 
Conan (NEW): Larry King, Playing for Change
 
Letterman (NEW): Daniel Radcliffe, Veronika Part, Leon Helm
 
Ferguson (NEW): Jeff Goldblum, Jackie Collins
 
Kimmel (Repeat): Denzel Washington, Will Ferrell
 
Fallon (Repeat): Steve Martin Paul Simon, Vanessa Williams

 

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