Chances are strong that you’ll be spending the weekend watching your favorite wizard. And if this guy
is busy then you’ll probably be watching Harry Potter. Or maybe you’re too busy clicking away for your chance to win Watchmen: The Director’s Cut. But if you’re not, have a gander at these programs we’ve hand-selected for your viewing pleasure.
FIND OUT WHAT TO WATCH AFTER THE JUMP…
ALL TIMES EASTERN AND PACIFIC
FRIDAY JULY 17th
OUT FOR JUSTICE
Time: 8 – 10PM
Reasons to watch: I’d like to say that this is Seagal at his most painfully self-unaware but I don’t think the science exists to actually meter that. You can tell in this movie he wanted to play a gangster but he also wanted to be the hero. So the solution is to have his character be a cop that the mob respects. Respects out of fear of course. And how could you not respect a man named Gino Felino when he comes into the room yelling, "ANYBODY SEEN RITCHIE?! ANYBODY KNOW WHY RITCHIE DID BOBBY LUPO??!!"
FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!
Network: My 9
Time: 8 – 10PM
Reasons to watch: Chris Jericho gives an update on Edge’s leg injury. Discusses plans to beat someone over the head with it.
Time: 9:15 – 11PM
Reasons to watch: A cop who is also a robot. No brainer.
WHO’S ON LATE NIGHT?
Seth Green, Steven Ho, Demi Lovato
Tom Arnold, Tommy Johnagin, Metric
Josh Lucas, Danica Patrick, Daughtry performs
Paris Hilton, Ray Massimino, Ray LaMontagne
Music guest: The Dead Weather
SATURDAY JULY 18th, 2009
Time: 8 – 10:30PM
Reasons to watch: It’s like The Fast and the Furious on water. And not sucky.
MAN VS. CARTOON
Time: 10 – 11pm
Engineers attempt to build various devices invented by Wile E. Coyote such as a steel-plate trap that is rigged to a laser trip wire. Also a stuntman hurtles himself down a mountain in an "indestructo-ball." Now if only someone can work out the science as to why Betty is into Barney Rubble. Kinda out of his league, right?
THE COMEDY OF "FUNNY PEOPLE"
Time: 11:30PM – 12AM
Reasons to watch: Needless to say that Judd Apatow has a pretty solid track record and his third film looks like it will not disappoint. Take a half hour to check out the process that the cast and crew needed to go through to successfully pull off the comedy that drives Funny People.
SUNDAY JULY 19th, 2009
Time: 9 – 9:30PM
Reasons to watch:Family Guy parodies the work of Stephen King with this humorous anthology. Why? Because a Halloween episode in July just seemed like too much of a stretch.
Time: 9 – 10PM
Reasons to watch: The season is heating up and I couldn’t be happier. We got backs get slashed, hearts being torn out, shape-shifting, mind-reading, torso-eating, orgies, cults, and sexy slow-motion grilling scenes reminiscent of a Warrant video. Pretty much what you’d imagine a cook-out at Ted Nugent’s house would be like.
I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
Time: 9:30 – 11PM
Reasons to watch: Man, Keenan Ivory Wayans is his name and gittin’ suckas is his game. Fo’ sho’ that cat is a sucka-gittin’ machine. EDITOR’S NOTE: I started my weekend early. Down the hatch!