Last episode was a tornado of guts and guilt…literally.  Bill was forced into turning an innocent girl into a vampire.  Jason’s vampire buddy was killed by his psycho girlfriend right before his eyes and Sookie was attacked and almost killed by the predator that we can only assumed killed her grandmother and the two other girls, Dawn and Mardette.

Turning good girls into skanks since the beginning of time.

The first scene starts with Bill burying his victim that he has sucked into vampire oblivion.  The last phase is burying her in the ground so she can bake into a vampire over night.  Well, she doesn’t actually bake, but Bill is forced to be buried with her to turn her to the other side.  But, since Bill is a bit of a good guy he is supervised by another vampire the whole time so he doesn’t “stake” her and kill her for good.

I have to say that I’ve liked Sookie’s smart-mouth, semi-white trash character through this whole season, but after watching tonight’s episode I’m sort of seeing her for the person she truly is; Sookie is a bit of a hussy.  It’s the night of Sookie’s attack and Tara’s crash and Sam is on both sides of the puzzles.  He’s with Sookie at her house, making sure she’s okay out of Bill’s orders, but we all know he wants to be there anyway.  Sam is on his cell phone to trying (once) to get a hold of Tara but all he gets is a voicemail.  Soon Sookie and Bill are on the couch getting a little too cozy , but before we know it Sookie announces that she’s going to bed.  Being the manly-man that Sam is we are left seeing him cock a gun…ready to kill at a moments notice.

If you’re going to feel sorry for anyone’s character this season, feel sorry for Tara.  This girl is beyond miserable and rightly so.  She has a mother that up until a few episodes ago has been drunk her whole life, but now she’s a born-again.  She has a thing for her boss; Sam who we all know has a thing for Sookie.  She just spent the last of her savings on an exorcism that she later found out was a scam and all she wants to do is get a little wasted and forget her troubles and the girl can’t even manage that.  While hitting the bottle and driving down a country road Tara swerves to hit a woman and a pig…the day in the life of…now the cops are at the scene of her crash, questioning her sobriety and her story.  Tara of course gets hauled into jail.

Then you have Jason, who probably has as many problems as Tara, but you can’t quite feel bad for the guy because he’s a complete idiot.  We find him and psycho Amy cleaning up after the bloodbath that was his good pal, Vampire Eddie.  An argument between the couple ensues and we get classic name-calling such as “Yankee Bitch” and “Fucking Hillbilly.”  Then we are left with Jason yakking and Amy reassuring Jason that they didn’t kill Eddie because he was already dead.  And hey, he was a blood-sucking vampire. 

Being super intuitive, Sookie goes to sleep and wakes up to remember all the minuet details from the premonitions she had during her attack.  Basically it involves a girl named Cindy and a pie diner.  Being the obsessed man that Sam is he ends up spending the day with Sookie trying to fit all the pieces together.  This involves meeting a know-it-all old man at the pie diner, and getting information on Cindy’s brother…Drew Marshall; make sure you remember that name.  Drew hasn’t been seen since his sister was killed.

Later that day, while Amy is disposing of the vampire down the garbage disposal (fitting), Jason informs her that he will no longer be taking V and neither will she if Amy wants to stay in his home.  He then leaves for work and comes home later that evening, expecting to find Amy gone, but instead is greeted by a candlelit dinner and Amy telling him that she will never take V again.  Jason being a softy (in the head) forgives Amy and goes on to indulge in the dinner she made for him.  I guess food is really the way to a man’s heart, because after Jason finished his last bite Amy presented a vile of V.  Before Jason could freak out, Amy goes on some tirade about symmetry and ending the relationship in a circle.  This was obviously way over Jason’s head because he agreed to do V with Amy one last time.

Now we get to meet Bill’s very own vampire, Jessica.  She went into the ground a good Christian girl, but she came out as a very bad girl.  Not only does she feel freed and liberated from her controlling family, but she also feels free to shout out every curse word in the book as well as nag Bill to death…she is ready to act like the vampire she is and she is hungry for blood.  Bill doesn’t know what to do with her so he takes her to Fangtasia for some support from his leader.  Turns out Jessica not only wants to curse and kill people, but she also wants to dance on tables…and probably do a lot of other bad things.  She’s in vampire heaven and there is no stopping her now.

Tara’s mom finally shows up to jail not to bail her daughter out, but to teach her a lesson instead.  She informs Tara that she doesn’t need her negative influence in her life since she is now on the road to salvation.  That bitch.  Tara is livid and reminds her mother that she has spent her life taking care of her and bailing her out of situations and this is the first time she’s ever needed her help and now she’s turning her back on her.  Tara informs her mother that she’s no longer her mother…poor Tara; she just can’t catch break

Pretty soon we find out the V kicked in, because Jason and Amy are running around in their underwear in a field with bright blue skies, in either a rainstorm or a giant sprinkler that we can’t see.  Either way, they’re having a great time and I wish I could join in on the festivities.  Unfortunately, during their dreamy splendor, someone enters their home and strangles Amy with a belt…the dream is cut to a halt after Amy is lifted out of the dream.  Jason wakes up to find her dead.  He dials 911.

Hours later Tara is still in jail with no one to bail her out until a strange lady shows up.  Now, she’s strange to Tara but we all know her as the Pig Lady from last episode.  She convinces Tara she’s some kind of do-gooder social worker and tells Tara that she can stay with her at her house until she figures out her situation.  Being desperate and alone, Tara accepts the invitation.  Outside Tara is greeted by Pig Lady’s fancy convertible…just as the drive away; Jason is carried in with handcuffs on.

It’s been a long day of hunting for clues and boy are Sookie and Sam beat…I’m sure all the endless flirting didn’t help.  Sookie asks about Sam’s feelings for Tara and he gives her some BS answer about them being buddies and Tara being hard to get close to… blah blah blah.  Being the little tease that Sookie is, she informs Sam that she’s in love with Bill when he asks her about her feelings for vampire boyfriend.  But, she does disclose that she’s hurt that Bill left her to go to his trial.  Sookie obviously wants it all.

Once back at Sookie’s house the flirting continues between Sookie and Sam.  Pretty soon they are making out and that’s when Bill rushes in with all his vampire glory.  Bill proceeds to kick Sam’s ass until Sookie tells Bill that she is resending his invitation because he wasn’t there for her when she was attacked (I think she’s forgetting about his trial, I don’t know)…this is a major diss on Sookie’s part and Bill is forced to leave.  Poor Bill!

The episode comes to an end with Jason asking the detectives to lock him up so he doesn’t hurt anyone else.  He has convinced himself that he is the killer.  As Jason in taken into a cell a gossipy secretary phones a friend to spread the word that Jason is being taken in as the killer.  While she’s running her mouth we are faced with a file that has a photo of none other than Drew Marshall, the brother of Cindy (the dead girl from Sookie’s premonition), and the same guy that is either dead or still on the loose!  I told you to remember that name… 

Ugh!  I really almost can’t take it…all the drama and crazy story lines.  Where is this all going and how in the world are they going to sum it all up during next week’s season finale?  Someone has to die, they have to, and there are one too many characters floating around.   I don’t care who goes, but all I ask is that Tara stays.  Her life can’t get any closer to rock bottom than it already is.

Review By Special Correspondent Sarah Mickelson. She maintains an extensive blog concerning Vampires that can be found here.