True Blood: “Mine” Explains Vampire Blood Is Better Than Viagra

Monday, September 22 by

So far each episode has ended with Sookie looking like she’s reached the end of the line. At the end of episode 2, she was surrounded by raver looking vampires on the porch of Bill’s civil war mansion. Episode 3, "Mine" finds Sookie where we left her, now using her mental powers to resist to the hypnotism that the vampires are throwing in her direction.

Inside Bill’s house it’s a regular afterhours party between vampire friends and their two human pets. One, a common whore and the other, a jean short clad slab of man meat who seems to be a walking blood bank. Kind of like a homoerotic office cooler filled with blood. Once inside, it looks the vampires are still dead set on tilting Sookie’s neck. The bald one proclaims, and I quote “SHE SMELLS FUCKIN SWEET!” He follows up by saying that virgin blood is the second best tasting blood there is. Baby’s blood is the best. He then looks in the direction of the prostitute and suggests that SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET DOWN ON [his] JOHNSON! The prostitute responds accordingly. 

Just as bill is about to take a bite of jean-short blood bank boy, Sookie reads his thoughts, discovering that he’s posing in order to infect the vampires with something called Hep-D. She warns Bill not to drink him, a fight ensues, and we learn that Hep-D is the only infectious agent with Vampire susceptibility (it causes “a month of weakness.”) The party ends, leaving Sookie and Bill alone again. And again, nothing happens.

In the last episode Jason was left tied to the bed by Dawn while she was at work. He manages to free himself and attacks her while wearing a mask (like in a play-rape kind of way). For a second, we think that maybe it’s not Jason. But the mask comes off and rowdy gymnastic sex insures. It’s interrupted when Jason looses his boner picturing the vampire that Dawn nailed. Dawn tells him to leave, which he ignores, prompting her to wave a gun in his face and call him a limp dick motherfucker.

There’s some stress in the “relationship” between Bill and Sookie. Seems like she’s a little tired of almost dying every few days. Bill informs her that she doesn’t really have a choice, because she will never find a human man that she can be herself with.

Sam and Tara decide that they should have needs-fulfilling friend sex. It’s been a while since they’ve both gotten any ass, so they negotiate a friends-with-benefits deal. They do the deed. The next morning, back at her house, Tara gets roughed up by her alcoholic mom, causing her to move out.

Meanwhile, Sookie shows up back at Bill’s house, explaining that she’s decided he needs to take her virginity. But alas, its just a mastrabatorial fantasy on Sookie’s part, and we find her in her bed with one hand under the blanket.

Bill pops in on the raver vampires at their “nest” which is a house where all the furniture is covered in plastic, and the two human blood bags from the beginning of the episode have been turned into Hemoglbotini’s. They don’t have any intention of being normalized vampires, and their tension with Bill is getting more intense.  

Sookie gets a pep talk from her wizened grandmother. She puts things in perspective, citing familial history of mental abilities.

Jason visits Lafayette, the local man-whore/drug dealer in search of some Viagra. Unfortunately, he’s out. But fortunately, he’s got vampire blood, which is known to give you a magical boner. Jason is a little short on cash , so Lafayette gives him the opportunity to do a little webcam show that involves dancing around in his tighty whitey’s. Tara catches a glimpse.

Sookie pays another to Bill’s house. He’s not around, so she sits down on his front step. She’s looks like she’s about to rub one out in broad daylight when the phone rings.  It’s her boss, asking her to wake Dawn up who’s late for her shift.  Sookie goes over to her house only to find Dawn dead in her bed. And that’s the end. Mwwahhhh.

The Bloody Truth

I’m still into the show. It’s no Mad Men, and Alan Ball has done better. But it serves it’s purpose of entertaining me.  And there are lots of episodes left.

 

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