‘The Talking Dead’ Is Even More Pointless Than My Existence

Sunday, October 16 by
When you stare into the abyss, The Talking Dead stares back at you. 

Despite its flaws, The Walking Dead usually makes for entertaining television. The same cannot be said for The Talking Dead, a lazy, shameless marketing ploy posing as a half-hour talk show. And given some of the advertorial articles you can find on this very website, I don’t use words like “lazy” and shameless” lightly.

The show follows in the asinine tradition of Bravo‘s reality “post shows,” which usually involve a contemptible ‘Housewife’ attempting to explain why she came across as such an awful person. But given the fact that The Walking Dead is a scripted drama rather than a reality show, what can possibly be gained from recapping it? Apparently, the answer is nothing.

The inaugural episode featured comedian Patton Oswalt, Dawn of the Dead (remake) screenwriter James Gunn, and creator of The Walking Dead comic, Robert Kirkman. In all fairness, they did the most with what they were given. Unfortunately, what they were “given” were recycled clips and asinine questions, and “the most” they could do was make smart ass remarks. What type of response can be expected from questions like “why do you think the zombies were traveling in packs?” Because that’s what the script said they should do, ass hat.

That’s not to place all the blame on host Chris Hardwick. Considering the guests of the show had nothing to do with the episode, what was he supposed to ask? “So, you like zombies, eh? Neat!”

I did find it fitting that Subway bought ad time on the show, which featured a behind-the-scenes look at a zombie being disemboweled. Nothing says “eat fresh” like a walker’s rotten lower intestine. But ironic advertising aside, there wasn’t much to enjoy. If I want to spend 30 minutes watching clips from a show I just sat through, I’ll just use my DVR.

Editor’s note: Thank you to the commenters who pointed out my error on James Gunn. And I thank them a second time for not being dicks about it.

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