Last week’s friction comes to climax with our favorite doctors, while the guy who cleans up after them gets hitched.
Yup, She’s Still Pissed
Kelso gets himself set up at the bar by handing the bartender his travel bag and ordering a Bahama-mama. He’ll be at this bar for most of the episode. Things are still heated amongst lovers from last week’s episode, and not in a good way. Elliot is pissed at J.D. for not telling her how much he loves her, Jordan is pissed at Cox for pretending to have had work to do in order to prove to her she’ll miss him, and Turk is mad at Carla for refusing to take break from her role as mommy.
Turk is waist deep in the water, alone because Carla never showed. While shouting for her, a gorgeous babe approaches him. When she’s close enough to say something to her, she dunks her torso beneath the water and doesn’t resurface. Turk hollers for her, but she doesn’t come back. After a moment, J.D. pops up out of the water and Turk tells him that he just saw a mermaid. J.D. claims that he just saw an eel, but Turk explains that he’s just naked. The two discuss what’s on their minds: namely their significant others. J.D. tells his buddy that Elliot wants him to tell her he loves her. Turk tells J.D. to practice saying “I love you” on him. J.D. puts an arm on Turk and turns to look him in the eyes, passionately. At that moment, Cox surfaces from the water just in time to see J.D. say the words. The moment is incredibly suspect, but Cox isn’t surprised at all. He understands Turk and J.D.’s relationship to be a bit more than comfortable.
“That’s about right,” he says, noting that Turk is naked to boot. He’s searching for his lap-top which Jordan had tossed into the water.
Doug didn’t get an invite to Janitor’s wedding, so a temporary brain-trust member is needed. While eating lunch Ted notices that his salad tastes like sunscreen lotion because he’s accidentally put ranch dressing on his face. The Todd introduces Ira, the new member of the brain trust. Ira specializes in telling people to drink, over and over again. Janitor feels that Ira is a born leader for this rare talent, but is soon overwhelmed by it.
J.D. tries to smooth things over with Elliot by bringing her a video recording of him and Turk flexing their muscles. He mentions that the person recording them was the frightful, red-headed towel boy who tries to make off with the camera. Elliot is not amused.
“We’re not going to talk about yesterday?” She asks. Jordan asks Cox the same thing, and Turk approaches Carla with the same question.
J.D. feels that Elliot had been being irrational and now that it’s over they ca n move on. Elliot makes it clear that their situation has not been resolved.
Cox tells Jordan that because they are no longer twelve years old, he is over having a relationship where one person does the opposite of what the other says. He tells Jordan that they love each other, regardless of what they both say.
Carla tries to justify her actions by reminding Turk that he still gets sex once a week. Turk is annoyed that Carla always begins sex by saying: “This better be a quickie.” He tells her that even his “longies” are pretty quick. Carla sarcastically thanks Turk for equating sex with love.
The Todd has found the man to stand in as Preacher for Janitor’s wedding. His name is Van, but he likes the vowel to be elongated: Vaa-aaan. Van is the guy Todd and his med-school buddies practiced their rectal exams on while they were studying medicine. In fact, they would practice these procedures at the very bar they’re sitting at. Janitor is both fascinated and disgusted.
Elliot enlightens J.D. who thought that all the drama was behind them. She tells him that there will always be drama in a relationship and if a girl ever says that there will be no more drama, she is only doing so because there isn’t any drama at that point in time, and20wants to share that warm, fuzzy feeling with her man.
Carla explains that she is mommy all the time because she is a mommy ALL THE TIME. She has a baby at home, a baby in her stomach, and a baby who wants her to do the dishes, buy his clothes, make dinner, and still have enough energy to sex him up. By now she’s yelling at Turk, finishing by telling that his “longies” are actually really long.
“I know… right?” Turk agrees, smiling.
Jordan berates Cox for trying to change the dynamic of their relationship. “Why are you trying to change us? I don’t want to!”
“Fine, then just leave me alone,” Cox replies.
A Dish Best Served Cold… With Gulls
Janitor pulls J.D. away for payback time. J.D. has to answer for encroaching on Janitor’s wedding time. Janitor grips J.D. by the arm and hauls him past Lady, who’s getting some sun. Janitor pulls out a video camera and explains to J.D. that his punishment is to stand at the top of the lighthouse for ten minutes. J.D. doesn’t consider this to be much of a punishment, but whatever… He is a bit confused as to why Janitor taped a dead fish to each of his hands- until he sees the gulls flock towards him.
A hotel employee pulls the shutters, opening the bar. The sunlight wakens Kelso from his snooze on the bar. He picks his head up from the counter and orders a Bahama-mama and his electric razor. He advises Ted to live a little and stop putting on sunscreen. Ted takes Kelso’s advice and embraces the sun for seven seconds. His skin instantly burns.
The girls hover around Lady as Elliot prepares her hair for the wedding. Lady is convinced that she’s found the perfect man, but Jordan and Carla burst her bubble by telling her there are no perfect men. Elliot learns that Lady’s natural hair color is red, but only after she’s dug her fingers into her locks.
Van begins the ceremony with a few strange words. Janitor requests that everyone else stand, while lady and himself take a seat. Van admits that he doesn’t know much about weddings. In his opinion, marriage is a dead institution. It hasn’t worked out well for himself or anyone else in his family. His warm words are supplemented with the advice that married people never yell at each other, never share money, or cars…
Janitor interrupts Van who skips to the good part. He asks if Ladania Williams takes this man to be her lawful, wedded wife. She does. Everybody braces themselves because they are finally going to learn the Janitor’s true name. Unfortunately this is never revealed to us. Todd interrupts with a high-five, and Ted s sunburn causes an outburst. Janitor steps in to remind them of what love is really about. He turns to lady and says: “I know that I’m weird, but you would be too if your mother aged backwards like mine did.” He tells Lady that she came along and didn’t just accept him for his quirks and lies, but she appreciates him for it. He tells her that he’ll never stop loving her.
His words seem to have a unifying effect, as those who watch are reminded of what a romantic gesture is. J.D., Jordan, and Carla realize that the people they love were simply reaching out to them.
“I Remember You…”
The episode ends in separate scenes.
Carla strolls along the beach, looking great in a bikini. The look she casts at Turk is seductive. He looks up and says: “I remember you.” She suggests that they jump in the water..
Jordan approaches Cox at the bar and confesses that “Everything I do is more fun if I’m doing it with you.”
“Was that so hard?” Cox asks. She tells him it was and he pulls her into the pool where she tells him she loves him.
Elliot finally tells Elliot that he loves her the way she wants to hear it. His words are pretty cheesy, but I guess that’s why they say actions speak louder than them. He tells Elliot that he loves her more than he loves Turk, and to prove it, he hands her the necklace he’d given Turk in the previous episode.
“I had to wrestle him to the ground to get this, but it’s more important that you have it. You’re my dream girl.
If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
Kelso finishes another beverage and the bartender tells him that he ought to get his ass off the bar and check out this beautiful island. Kelso agrees immediately, puts on his shades and pushes away from the bar. He walks to the o ther side of the pool and enters the restaurant indoors. He takes a seat at the bar and orders a bahama-mama.
This episode stands out as one of the funniest installments in season 8. It’s amazing how the stress between couples can make the wedding of a guy like Janitor actually seem normal. Then again, I guess this is Scrubs’ way of telling us what we already know: relationships are going to have ups and downs. The only way to make it a good time is to sit at the bar and put down a bahama-mama or two.
Recap by Jonathan Friedler