Recaps - Page 2

As we enter the second half of the season, all the “boring” setup and character development is coming together in an orgy of violent bloodlettings and shocking plot twists.

Last night’s”Modern Family” began with Alex Dunphy’s 8th-grade graduation ceremony, where she, as valedictorian, was about to give a speech. Why an 8th grade class needs a valedictorian is beyond…

It was as if they grabbed an old season finale from “The Wire” and somehow morphed it into a sitcom.

Last night, there was a major surprise which set the tone for next season. Hey, it was season finale, after all.

It’s hard out here for an imp.

As the episode begins, last week’s western-theme is replaced with a Star Wars motif, complete with stormtrooper-styled paintballers who are fighting on behalf of the mysterious Pistol Patty.

The Brady’s had Tiger. The Bundy’s had Buck. And now the Pritchett’s have Stella.

“I saw this on ‘Modern Family’, and countless other sitcoms.”

Last night marked the second to last episode of “How I Met Your Mother” season six. Hopefully it marked the final episode featuring Zoey.

Even in last night’s dialogue heavy episode, there was still a grizzly death!

Liz needs a break, Jack needs a wife, and Jenna needs wool.

Chills! Suspense! Annie running in slow motion!

Ed O’Neill is awesome, Sofia Vergara is hot, and socially acceptable gay stereotypes are hilarious.

Looking sexy while drinking from a hose is hard work.

The cockamouse is back…this time in .gif form!

If only someone offered the mindlessness of television without all the over-analysis of your average recap. Now someone does!

Donald Trump fired Gary Busey from “Celebrity Apprentice,” marking the end of an era for reality television. Well, that’s assuming you define “era” as a period of seven weeks where nothing of any real significance happened.

Note to self: Never engage in one-on-one combat with Gary Busey.

While “The Loaf’s” insane rant was a sight to behold, we shouldn’t let it overshadow some of the greatest Gary Busey quotes in the history of Gary Busey.

On last night’s “Celebrity Apprentice,” we learned that Gary Busey’s penis is named “Big Wednesday.” What else is there to say?

It’s week two of Gary Busey’s stint on “Celebrity Apprentice,” and America’s favorite brain-damaged thespian did not disappoint. Actually, he did. Although to be fair, it wasn’t all his fault.

I’m not sure what to make of “American Idol.” With only 100 contestants left, most of the people I hate have been sent home. And since I’m incapable of love, I feel empty and alone, much like the 50 losers from last night’s “solo night” show.

Last night was “group night” on “American Idol,” which is much less exciting than it sounds to an Internet-porn addict, like myself. Never the less, I watched all two hours of the program in order to describe it in detail to you, the reader. Congrats.

By it’s very nature, Hollywood Week isn’t as fun to watch. Almost, everyone who has made it to this point can sing, so there are no sad, pathetic people to mock and ridicule. As such, we have to settle for the next best thing: reveling in the failure of those who are more talented than us.

Last night was the final episode of the “American Idol” auditions, and what better way to end this sh#t show than with a fart. No, really. The show began with a teary-eyed girl complaining that the judges wouldn’t let her finish after she ripped ass.

After 30 seconds, I was pulling my hair out. That being said, I watched it all, and it was still better than sitting through will.i.am. And for that, I’m grateful. With that in mind, here are the highlights of Puppy Bowl VII.

Highlights included a seven-foot-tall armadillo, a fat guy who looked like a live-action version of Cleveland Brown’s son, and a girl in a Viking outfit (or maybe it was Hermes, but honestly, who cares).

Milwaukee native and former Idol contestant Danny Gokey was on hand to give false hope to delusional contestants. And if you’re looking for delusional people, a Rustbelt city like Milwaukee does not disappoint.

While the season premiere of “American Idol” was disappointing, the second episode (New Orleans) started out strong. By “strong,” I mean it began with a gay dude named Blake Patterson playing the piano and sobbing uncontrollably.

I hate “American Idol.” But, I made one innocent comment about the size of my editor’s wife’s ass, and now I’m stuck on recap duty.