Hundreds of years from now, when Gary Busey scholars look back on last night’s “Celebrity Apprentice,” they’ll probably focus on Meatloaf’s epic meltdown. And while “The Loaf’s” insane rant was truly a sight to behold, we shouldn’t let it overshadow the fact that the episode contained some of the greatest Gary Busey quotes in the history of Gary Busey.
First things first: the rant. All season long, NBC has been cock teasing us with clips of Meat Loaf going ballistic on Gary Busey, and like an asshole, I’ve come back week after week, hoping to see it. And after four painful weeks, it finally arrived.
The teams were tasked with creating original works of art to be sold at a charity art event. While shopping for supplies, Gary Busey saw Meatloaf pushing a cart full of canvasses, and casually asked Meatloaf if he was buying them for everyone. Meatloaf, who after four days with Busey had clearly hit his limit, did not react well. He left the store with Mark McGrath, and began to vent, misquoting Busey, and claiming Gary was demanding Meatloaf purchase his supplies. As if Academy Award nominated actor Gary Busey would need an overweight has been to buy his supplies. Meatloaf should be so lucky! At any rate, with Meatloaf’s blood boiling, they left for the art studio, at which point some of Meatloaf’s things disappeared. He immediately blamed Busey, and went at him like a bat out of hell…
Amazing! No, I’m not talking about Meatloaf’s anger. I’m talking about Gary Busey’s ability to stay calm under fire. He never raises his tone, and never stoops to Meatlaof’s level. He simply stands their, biding his time, antagonizing the beast with his mental superiority. Even after the bag is found, and Busey is exonerated, he continues to kill Meatloaf with kindness, and Meatloaf responds with more outbursts.
Of course, later in the episode, Meatloaf calms down and apologizes. Busey, being the man that he is, which is to say the greatest man in history, accepts, and in doing so, imparts a shit-ton of wisdom on everyone within earshot.
On Meatloaf’s Anger
“Meatloaf had a battle goin’ inside of him. The best way he knew how to win it was to confront me in a confrontation of death, beating me senseless. That was his way of confronting his own anger.”
On Forgiving Meatloaf
“The Buseyism for forgive, F O R G I V E – Finding Ourselves Really Giving Individuals Valuable Energy, and my valuable energy is my unconditional love for you.”
On Meatloaf’s Apology
“Meatloaf excelled to the level of dancing on a rainbow with no fear…and no doubt.”
My god. He’s like Jesus, Buddah, and Confucius all rolled into one. But the quotes didn’t stop (or start) there. All night long, Busey was like at unstoppable wisdom dispensing cyborg sent from the future to destroy us all with knowledge.
Buseyism for ‘Art’
“A Righteous truth…A R T is the definition of art, because you need heart for the art, and the art brings heart. Therefore they go together…in a wonderful way…in a composition that embraces the eyes of the viewer.”
On Ideas for the Project
“I’m thinking about a clown on a bicycle that goes across a string on two points.”
Buseyism for ‘FUN’
“Finally Understanding Nothing spells fun.”
Apparently, Gary’s incredible ability to take grandiose concepts and break them down in a way that makes them accessible to the common man is rubbing off on his teammates. This isn’t surprising, since greatness often inspires greatness. Country singer John Rich dropped these two nuggets of wisdom in the toilet that is “Celebrity Apprentice.”
On Being a Contestant
On Gary Busey
“He’s like a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond.”
But it didn’t stop with John Rich. Lil’ Jon also seems to be learning a thing or two from Gary Busey. Although in all fairness, he was a poet of sorts before coming on the show.
On Openly Homosexual Richard Hatch’s Art Project
“That’s a really gay ass hat…but that’s you.”
Sensational! It’s a shame Richard didn’t heed Lil’ Jon’s warning, as he ended up being sent home for raising the least amount of money. As it turns out, Jose Canseco ended up leaving as well, because his father had supposedl taken a turn for the worse in his fight against cancer. The timing of the departure was a little suspect (as Richard Hatch suggested), since Jose has seemed very bored as of late, and the next task would have required him to raise money, something he’s proven incapable of doing. On the one had, I hope he’s not lying, because that would be pretty sick. On the other hand, I hope he is lying, because then his father isn’t really that bad off. I’m so conflicted.
(Update: Canseco’s dad actually passed away, so he clearly wasn’t just trying to get out of the task, which is good. Except his dad’s dead, which is not good. R.I.P.)
Other than that, there’s not much to say. The women’s team won, Star Jones tried to whisper to a deaf woman, and Gary Busey continued his inevitable march to victory.