I Watched The Puppy Bowl So You Didn’t Have To

Monday, February 7 by

Last night during the Super Bowl halftime show, any one with an ounce of self respect changed the channel in disgust as the Black Eyed Peas took the stage. But the real question is what did you watch? If you’re a single guy, or were at least watching with a predominantly male group, you probably switched of to the Lingerie Bowl. Yeah, in a world where seeing hot naked lesbians is only a few key strokes away, seeing girls in their underwear just doesn’t carry the weight it once did. But even so, it’s enjoyable to watch.

For those of you with wives and, or children, chances are you got stuck watching the Puppy Bowl. For those of you that fall into that camp, all I can say is I know your pain.

I like puppies. I like football. By that logic, I should at least be able to tolerate the Puppy Bowl, right? Wrong. After 30 seconds, I was pulling my hair out. That being said, I watched it all, and it was still better than sitting through will.i.am. And for that, I’m grateful. With that in mind, here are the highlights of Puppy Bowl VII.

Getting Ready for the Puppy Bowl

If you look closely, this isn’t really about the Puppy Bowl at all. It’s actually a cleverly disguised car commercial. I bet you were fooled by the seamless product placement. Don’t feel bad. I have a trained eye for this sort of thing. After all, I majored in communication.


In case you weren’t up to speed on the regular season, the pre-game show gave you a run down of what to expect. The only problem is that there is no regular season, and the only thing to expect is a bunch of dogs running around.

The Starting Lineup

Now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty. Even a completely jaded asshole like myself enjoyed seeing the starting line up. As long as they keep that ref out of the way, this might be tolerable.

Play Under Review

Well, I spoke to soon. Did you really need to review the play? That son of a bitch clearly didn’t cross the goal line. I can call him a son of a bitch because he’s a dog. The sponsors can’t get mad at that.

Half Time: Show Me Your Pussies

They’re cats. Get it? Get it? Ugh.

Final Touchdown

I’m not going to lie. That last touchdown was pretty exciting. And it was more offense than you usually see in a typical Chicago Bears game. The rats in the blimp were also a nice touch.


Screw CB. I had $100 on Big Red winning. I’m beginning to think the whole thing is rigged.

Puppy Bowl VII Music Video

It’s like the Super Bowl shuffle, except with dogs, and it’s a lot less embarrassing.

The Ref

How disgraceful. This is someone’s son. He has to wake up and look himself in the mirror every day. But, he’s a stronger man that I am. I stick to writing about Puppy Bowl on the internet, where no one can see my shame.

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