Well Fangbangers, week two of True Blood is upon us. Sookie is back in town, everyone is up to date on what’s happened in the past twelve months and we’re ready to hit the ground running. This week, we’ve got were-panthers on V, baby vamps questioning their lifestyle choices, Pam stealing the show, and what book readers know is the beginning of a very juicy Eric plot line.
We start off with Jason, tied up on a bed. If you recall last week’s episode, our hunky cop was trying to take care of the people of Hotshot while Crystal was away and got knocked into a cooler with some rotting lettuce heads. When he wakes, his head wound is being licked by one of the kids. Puppies can be so cute! They try to free him, but in walks Crystal’s disgusting excuse for a boyfriend, threatening his life. If only she were here…
”Your blood tastes like freedom, Sookie. Like sunshine in a pretty blond bottle.” This may be the line of the night. Eric, who showed up in Sookie’s room last week while she was naked and told her how wonderful it is when reality matches your imagination explains that he owns her house and she can’t kick him out. Sookie’s blood, if you remember, allows vampires to go into the sunlight without ending up looking like one of those overcooked potato chips that find their way to the bottom of every bag. Eric wants to claim Sookie as his so no one can hurt her. She’s not too thrilled having just been through that with King Bill. Eric explains that there are two Sookies. One thinks she’s just human and the other is beginning to realize that she’s better than that. She counters with that, when she does, does Eric think her legs are going to magically open for him? Saucy. He leaves, promising to fix her broken door.
King Bill gets some information about Marnie raising a dead bird from his little mole/witch, who has clearly been giving him more than just info. He decides to use her as a human Slurpie. One wonders if witches taste different like fairies do.
Meanwhile at Fangtasia, Pam, Hoyt and Jessica are facing a group of Light of Day protesters. Hoyt goes to defend his fanged lady. Pam tries to stop them from bothering the people using their ”constitutional rights to be f*cking idiots” when Hoyt smacks one of them in the kisser for calling Jessica a fanged whore. Pam has to restrain Jessica while Hoyt gets the bejezzus kicked out of him, saying, ”Technology has taken all the fun out of being a vampire.” The AVL wouldn’t be happy to hear that someone got a vampire attack on video, you know.
In the woods, naked Sam and naked Luna (that happene faster this week, didn’t it?) flirt after running around as horses. Sam tries to move in for a kiss after asking to hear more about her, but it seems Luna has a secret. She gallops off without saying what it is.
Sookie used to be able to head over to Bill’s house without a problem. When she tries that nowadays, she’s stopped by armed guards. And no, it’s not because he’s busy having sex with a witch in his bedroom, which he is. It’s because he’s now the King of Louisana. His house reflects the change. It’s all extra fancy now, with bear skin rugs and a fireplace. When she walks into the bedroom, Katerina is still putting her clothes back on. Bill introduces her as ”part of his security” and then kicks her out. Classy.
Over at Jesus and Layfayette’s house, the talk is all about that not-dead bird. Jesus doesn’t believe it’s black magic because he doesn’t think it exists. Um, Jesus, you live in Bon Temps. I really don’t think it’s safe to think anything doesn’t exist. You just saw a dead bird fly around a room. Really, he’s just blaming the bad witches for using magic for bad purposes and says that Lafayette is all light. I love this couple and I can’t say that enough. But if Jesus really loves Lafayette, he’ll make him cut off that rat-tail.
Back at the king’s mansion, Sookie asks for Bill’s help keeping Eric away. She starts to ask him about how he became king, but before he can answer, she reconsiders, saying that every time she found out something about him when they were together, she ended up wishing she didn’t know it. We flash back to London in the eighties. Bill is in a punk club discussing the hated Prime Minister Thatcher with a bartender. Aw, eighties Bill almost makes me miss that decade. Almost.