The pace of “Game of Thrones” is really picking up, which is to say there was a ton of violence in last night’s episode. For lack of a better phrase, shit just got real in Westeros. Let me tell you about it via animated Gif recap!
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The episode begins with Ned Stark investigating the death of Jon Aryn’s squire in a jousting match (click Here for last week’s episode). Despite the accidental nature of the death, Ned smells a set up.
Despite the tragic death, the games continue. The Mountain, as he is affectionately known, is back at it, jousting against a new competitor, Loras Tyrell. Tyrell is a bit of a dandy (he’s known as “The Knight of Flowers”), but he’s also a great warrior, and cunning enough to ride a mare that’s in heat. The move spooks The Mountain’s horse, costing him the race. Old Mountain Man doesn’t take too kindly to the trick, and decides to cut off his own horse’s head before attacking Tyrell. Only the intercession of The Mountain’s brother, The Hound, spares Tyrell’s life.
Meanwhile, Lady Stark is transporting her new prisoner to her sister’s castle in the Eyrie. Despite Tyrion’s repeated claims of innocence (why would he give an assassin his own dagger), his pleas fall on deaf ears. But when the group is attacked by marauders, the imp leaps to Lady Stark’s defense. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a dwarf cave someone’s face in, this is the episode for you. If you’ve already seen a dwarf cave someone’s face in, good for you!
Cue pointless sex scene. Well, it wasn’t totaly pointless. After watching Theon Greyjoy bang a prostitute, we learn that last week’s encounter with the imp has left him jealous. Clearly, the seed of resentment has been planted in his head, and I’d bet all the horses in Vaes Dothrak that he’s going to turn on the Starks.
One sex scene deserves another, so let’s skip to Loras Tyrell and Renly Baratheon (The King’s younger brother). After a vigorous manscaping session, Loras plants the idea in Renly’s head that he should be the King, not his boorish bro. He then makes a very compelling argument on the matter via oral sex. While there’s always something a tad homoerotic about a bunch of long-haired dudes playing with swords, seeing those same dudes go down on each other is a world apart, especially in animated Gif form.
Back to the dwarf torture. Upon arriving at her sister’s, Lady Stark begins to realize that Lysav has gone insane (probably after the death of her husband, Jon Arryn). After breastfeeding her toddler son in front of everyone, she has Tyrion thrown into a dungeon. Despite the lack of bars on the window, I’m pretty sure he won’t be going anywhere, unless dwarfs can fly…which I assume they can.
Viewers who were disturbed by hot-man-on-man action were treated to this gratuitous breast shot. It occurred while Ned Stark was visiting a brothel in order to investigate yet another one of the King’s bastard children.
Stark’s doubts about the king came to a head when it was decided that the pregnant Daenerys Targaryen was to be assassinated. Stark quit rather than take part in what he viewed to be a shameful plot, and decided to return to Winterfell. His decision was probably hastened by news of his wife’s decision to take the imp prisoner, a move that will surely enrage the Lannisters.
Speaking of Lannisters,upon leaving the brothel, Ned is confronted by Jaime and his troops. Word of Lady Stark’s actions has gotten around, and Jamie is not happy. He makes short work of Ned’s men, including poor Jory, who takes a knife to the eye. At least the last thing he saw before his death was that hot blond girl’s goods.
Eventually, Ned and Jamie come to blows. In the middle of their heated battle, one of Jamie’s men stabs Ned in the leg with a spear, ending the fight prematurely. Robbed of a possible victory, Jamie punches his man in the face for intruding on the battle. With that, Ned is left in the street, and told that no harm must come to the imp.
Breasts, gay sex, bastard children, toddler breast feeding, eye stabbings: This week’s episode packed a lot of action into just one hour. Sound off on your favorite moments in the comment section below.