In my previous gif recaps, I’ve made no secret of my love for HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” To me, the show is satisfying on both an intellectual and emotional level. By that, I mean it features both boobies and beheadings. So, how does one take a show that’s already filled to the brim with violence and nudity and make it even better? Add zombies, or course. And that’s just what last night’s episode, “The Pointy End,” did.
We begin with the aftermath of last week’s power play by the Lanisters, or should I say the failed power play by Ned Stark. Poor Ned has been thrown into the dungeon and branded a trader, a title that elicits little sympathy from others, with the possible exception of Varys the eunuch. In fact, “The Spider,” as he’s known, goes as far as to visit Ned in prison, bringing him water, and giving him information on what has happened to his family. Unfortunately for Ned, the news is all bad.
All of Ned’s men who were with him in King’s Landing have been butchered by the Lanisters. Ned’s daughter Sansa is being manipulated, pleading for her father’s life in exchange for help in convincing the other Starks not to attack. Arya, on the other hand, manages to escape, thanks to the help of her instructor Sirio. Using only a wooden sword, he holds off four well-armed Lanister men while Arya retreats. However, his sword is eventually cracked in half, and his fate remains a mystery.
Before Arya hits the road, she stops off to grab her sword. And when some fat kid threatens to take her to the queen, she ends up using it. While it was strange to watch a little kid stabbing another little kid in the stomach, I take solace in that fact that the kid on “the pointy end” of the sword was fat, which makes it OK.
When Jon Snow learns of his father’s fate, he’s understandably upset. Although sympathetic, the captain of the Night’s Watch warns him not to do anything stupid. Apparently, Jon wasn’t listening, because he immediately tries to stab Alliser Thorne over a disparaging remark. In the aftermath of the event, Snow is confined to quarters.
I guess when you’re in the Night’s Watch, “confined to quarters” means “go where ever the hell you want.” When Jon’s wolf starts freaking out, he follows it to the Captain’s room. Here, he is confronted by the reanimated corpse of a dead Night’s Watchman. Despite cutting off his arm and running him through with a sword, the thing won’t stop coming. But like my dad used to say, when all else fails, light the son of a bitch on fire. My dad was an arsonist, FYI.
Meanwhile, Tyrion is having problems of his own. Granted, he’s not faced with a zombie uprising, but even so, issues have come up. After leaving the Eyrie, he and his new friend Bronn are set upon by the hill people. They look a lot like you’d expect hill people to look, and they’re also about as friendly as you’d imagine hill people to be. But Tyrion being Tyrion, he manages to convince them to spare his life in exchange for help in unseating the house of Arryn.
Considering the house of Arryn is in total disarray, that might not be as hard as it seems. Lord Robin is only interested in sucking on his mother’s tit. It’s OK for me to type that, because it’s 100% accurate. And his psychotic mother Lysa has no interest in anything other than hiding in her castle, despite the fact that the Lanisters have killed her husband and taken her brother-in-law hostage. Her sister, Lady Catelyn, is forced to leave empty handed.
While her sister may be afraid of a fight with the Lanisters, Lady Catelyn’s son Robb is wasting no time. Once he receives word about his father’s capture, he immediately calls in 20,000 men to march on King’s Landing. When one of his commanders (Greatjohn) gets too big for his britches, Robb’s wolf puts him back in his place by biting off two of his fingers. But Greatjohn seems to take it in stride, laughing off the injury as if it was a simple paper cut. I’m not a military expert, but that seems like the type of guy you want on your side.
With that, the Stark clan sets out from Winterfell to rescue Ned. But the Lanisters seem far from worried. Jaime is down in the Riverlands, plundering Catelyn Stark’s homeland, while Tywin and his army are in place to fight off an invasion from the north. Back at King’s landing, the new king and his mother Cersei are consolidating the family’s power. Tywin has been named Hand of the King, and good old Jaime has been named captain of the king’s guard. This doesn’t sit well with Ser Barristan, who is now out of a job. But given the circumstances, all he can do is say, “You can’t fire me, cause I quit!”
Last but certainly not least, we have the Dothraki. All and all, they were relatively quiet in this episode. By relatively quiet, I mean all they did was rape, pillage and plunder in order to raise money for an amphibious assault on the Seven Kingdoms. Oh, and when one of Drogo’s men referred to Dany as a foreign whore , the Kahl ripped his tongue out via his throat. Like I said, pretty low key.