Note to self: Never engage in one-on-one combat with Gary Busey.
Actually, why would I need to write that down? After all, it’s common sense. The man is at unstoppable killing machine. All that stupid “tiger blood” shit Charlie Sheen is always ranting about is actually true, in the case of Gary Busey. In short, Gary Busey can not be stopped.
But apparently, Mark McGrath didn’t get the memo, and foolishly chose to challenge Gary in a one-on-one boardroom showdown on last night’s “Celebrity Apprentice.” Two men entered, but only one man left. Needless to say, that man was Gary Busey.
How did Mark McGrath end up losing to man with the mental capacity of a goldfish on mescalin? I’m glad you asked.
This week, the teams were tasked with promoting Australian Gold tanning lotions. The task involved decorating a large box, or something. Honestly, it’s not important. None of the tasks are. They’re simply a means to an end, the end being Gary Busey acting like a crazy asshole, and NeNe calling Latoya Jackson “Casper the Ghost.”
The people at Australian Gold decided to arbitrarily select the women’s team as the winner. This was fitting, because the women’s team, lead by Latoya Jackson, had absolutely no game-plan whatsoever, and simply threw together a bunch of random shit. That pretty much sums up the show, proving it has as much to do with “business” as its “contestants” have to do with “celebrity.”
Even though it’s all bullshit, it still must have hurt for Mark McGrath to lose to Latoya Jackson, a woman who can’t seem to grasp basic math. At one point, she couldn’t understand that her team did not have enough money to make a purchase, even though she really wanted the items in question. It looks like her brother Michael came by it honestly. It also didn’t help that Latoya decided not to use Playmate of the Year Hope Dworaczyk as a bikini model for the task, a move that was so obvious even Hope Dworaczyk thought of it. But despite all this, the women still won. Why? Australian Gold didn’t like the men’s pirate theme or the fact that they didn’t integrate the company’s koala mascot. Pirates: no! Koalas: yes! These are the things you learn when you get an MBA.
But aside from the fact that Mark McGrath’s theme bombed, Gary Busey did all he could to sabotage the product. Early on, he made an awkward sex joke about the Australian Gold lotions in front of one of their female reps. During the task itself, he cornered the executives of the company for 20 minutes, spouting out lines such as “If you don’t have this, you are a failure.” He then offered to become a spokesperson for the company, a move that the executives did not seem to appreciate. Then again, at that point, maybe they simply feared for their lives.
In the end, McGrath accepted responsibility for the failure of his team, a move that is sure to get you booted from the show. When it came time to pick two possible men to be fired, he only chose Gary. Bad move. Busey ducked and weaved around McGrath’s accusations with all the skill and nimbleness of a 4-year-old with Autism. On several occasions, he either lied through his teeth, or genuinely couldn’t remember what had transpired only hours earlier. I choose to believe the latter.
As expected, Trump sent McGrath home, and let Gary live to see another episode. After all, he’s no fool. If you send Busey home, what’s the point of watching? He did, however, make it seem as if Gary’s days were numbered, telling him to shape up or ship out. And if next week’s promo is to be believed, it might be the end of the road for our brain-damaged hero.