Celebrity Apprentice: Gary Busey's Penis Is Named 'Big Wednesday'
On last night's "Celebrity Apprentice," we learned that Gary Busey's penis is named "Big Wednesday."
What else is there to say? How can I top that? I'm really not sure I need to go on. Actually, since I get paid by the word, I guess it's best if I do go on and on and on and on and on and elaborate further on the matter (see what I did there?).
Before we jump right into Busey's genitals, let's give it some context. Not that the context will help. If anything, it will only make things more confusing.
The episode began with Busey riding high, fresh off last week's victory. As the team leader, Busey took home a total of $40,000 for his charity, The Center For Head Injury Services. That's enough to buy 100 homes in Detroit! Gary went on to say that winning the challenge while serving as project manager was on par with being nominated for an Oscar and a Golden Globe. Do you hear that, aspiring actors? Being nominated for the most prestigious awards in Hollywood is on par with aimlessly wandering through a bullshit challenge on a shitty reality show. Isn't that depressing? You might as well give up now while there's still time to get an MBA.
This week, the challenge involved creating and shooting a commercial for ACN and their new video phone. The men's team leader was Lil' Jon, who Busey had previously labeled an "antagonist." However, despite Busey's tendency to act bat-shit insane, the two managed to avoid butting heads, for the most part. However, Meatloaf is clearly running out of patience, and went as far as to say that Busey has "no consideration for other people's space," and that he always needs to be the center of attention. Of course he always needs to be the center of attention. He's Gary friggen Busey! He was starring in films while you were still popping zits on your funny face and jacking off to the lingerie section of the Sears catalog.
Speaking of the center of attention, let's get back to Gary Busey's penis. The men decided on making a commercial that revolved around two grandparents talking to their grandson in South America via video phone, and finding out that he's engaged to another man (it's funny cause he's gay). Gary was cast as the grandfather, and as always, he totally owned the role. In fact, he was so committed to the part that decided not wear any underwear under his robe. After all, old men love to free ball. That's where the trouble set in.
During one of the takes, as Gary sat down next to his co-star (an older actress playing the grandmother), out flopped his junk for all to see. Sadly, the censors blurred out his genitals. However, Gary could not censor himself, and quickly asked his horrified co-star if she had seen "Big Wednesday," referring to his penis. Apparently, Busey's fiancée uses it as a pet name for his pecker. Why "Big Wednesday?" We'll for starters, Gary Busey is obviously big. But why "Wednesday?" Because, you uncultured cretin, Gary Busey starred in the 1978 surf film, Big Wednesday. In the film, Big Wednesday is "the mythical day when the greatest, cleanest, most transcendent wave of all will come." No doubt, that description can be equally applied to riding Gary's penis.
Ironically, "Big Wednesday" wasn't the only elderly dick we had to deal with. Dionne Warwick was her usual effervescent self, and by effervescent, I mean a horrible old bitch. As in weeks past, she got testy with a deaf woman for no apparent reason. She also had the nerve to criticize Gary Busey's acting in the commercial, saying he was "stiff." Listen, sister. The only thing stiff about Gary Busey is "Big Wednesday." I'm not sure why he didn't pull it out and use it to smack her in the face. Luckily for Dionne, Gary was probably too distracted by the thought of a puppy he once bludgeoned to death in a coke-fueled rage.
Busey bashing aside, Warwick managed to further alienate herself from her own group by going to bed while the others stayed up and worked on the project. This came back to bite her in her old ass. When the women lost the challenge (thanks in no small part to Busey's giant shlong), it wasn't long before they all turned on Dionne. When challenged by her teammates, she quickly backed down, saying she should be sent home. But unlike, Niki Taylor, who bowed out with some class (or as much class as possible, considering she's on "Celebrity Apprentice") Warwick just came across as a petulant old bag, and in the end, Trump sent her packing.
So with another week behind us, Busey continues his quest. But next week may mark the end of his run, as he collides with Meatloaf in what promises to be a bitch fight for the ages. I can't wait to see it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to down a bunch of Xanax and vodka and play with my "Little Tuesday."
Check out this video of the Meatloaf/Gary Busey Meltdown.