'American Idol' Recrap: Solo Night
At this point, I’m not sure what to make of “American Idol.” With only 100 contestants left, most of the people I hate have been sent home. And since I’m incapable of love, I feel empty and alone, much like the 50 losers from last night’s “solo night” show.
Let’s start with those who did make it through. I’m always amazed at how the people they feature early on in the show manage to make it through. What are the odds? It’s as if they know who they are going to promote from the very beginning.
For example, there’s Scott McCreery, a deep-voiced country star who is the definition of a one-trick pony. He’s not a bad singer, as long as he’s singing one of the three-songs that fit his vocal range. Last night, he butchered his song, forgetting the words and singing bizarre nonsensical lyrics. It’s not like they made him sing Lady Gaga. It was a country song. Even McCreery himself admitted he should go home. Yet, he went on.
Then, of course, there’s Jacee Badeaux (a.k.a. the young fat kid). Even I like him, and I’d love to see him win. There’s just one small problem. He’s not that good, and he had no business making it into the final 50. His voice is way too timid. Also, he’s fat, so that’s another reason he should go. Just kidding! I felt like picking on someone because of my own low self-esteem. Sort of like kids used to pick on Brett Loewenstern. He made it to the final 50, and he’s getting back at everyone who picked on him in the process. I’m not sure how getting laughed at by bullies watching across the country accomplishes that, but whatever.
Casey Abrams made it through, with the help of his bass. I’m not sure why they allow him to play instruments. It’s not really fair to the other contestants. But then again, I could care less about the other contestants, so I’ll let it go.
I hope you like people crying in order to create a big scene, because Ashley Sullivan also made it through. I feel really bad for her boyfriend, who has to come out and calm her down almost every episode. Hopefully being on TV will allow him to find a better girl who doesn’t piss out her eyes every time she’s the least-bit nervous.
As for people who didn’t make it, Brielle Von Hugel, Corey Levoy, Mark Gutierrez, Chelsee Oaks and Jacqueline Dunford were all let go. And in the interest of keeping it real, I just copied these names from the L.A. Times recap. I watched the show, but I’m far too lazy to go back and watch it again so I can write down all the loser's names, especially since this is my last “Idol” recap. So long, suckers.